Lady Blitz: Week 13 Picks for Every NFL Game

Week 13 sounds awfully ominous for my picks. Plus, I haven't had nearly the time to crunch the numbers that I usually like to. So on the plus side, there's no room to overanalyze anything. On the negative side, I may not actually have a clue with so many games that seem kind of up in the air... Here goes:

Top Shelf Games: Talent-rich, highly competitive and aged in oak barrels... spiritually speaking

New Orleans Saints at Atlanta Falcons (-3.5)
This always-entertaining and nasty-lately rivalry has reached a boiling point this year, even though the Saints are nowhere near contention for the division crown. That nastiness alone makes it our Lady Blitz Game of the Week. I have a sneaking suspicion New Orleans would've lost if Julio Jones had been able to stay in the first divisional game this season, but I will tempt fate again with a lot of cards stacked against the Saints because it's just what you do in these situations.

New York Giants (-2.5) at Washington Redskins

Truthfully, this probably should be the real game of the week, but you get what you pay for with this blogger. Two hot division rivals will come face to face, and the Redskins have time and home field advantage on their side. Still, I just can't deny the Giants' defensive resurgence against the equally formidable Aaron Rodgers this past week. Let's hope they put it to good use against Robert Griffin & co.

Seattle Seahawks at Chicago Bears (-3.5)
Two of the best defenses of 2012 clash at Soldier Field this Sunday to my delight. At this point, it appears that both of the Seahawks' Adderall-embattled corners will get to play Sunday, while the Bears are facing some big injuries on both sides of the ball. I think we're going to have ourselves a very close game for 3ish quarters, but the discrepancies between Seattle's road game performance and Chicago's home game performance will still be too much for the 'Hawks to surmount in the end.

Pittsburgh Steelers at Baltimore Ravens (-7.5)

If I were playing the spread game, I'd say that I'm still shocked that Baltimore is so heavily favored in this game. No matter who's playing and who's not, Steelers-Ravens is nearly always a nail-biting thriller because the hatred makes up for the injuries. Even so, the home field Flacco will look like a god in comparison to any Charlie Batch.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Denver Broncos (-7)

In another year, this could be a pretty interesting game. I definitely like where the Buccaneers are headed, and an upset isn't totally out of the question. However, they've still got some big work to do in their pass defense, and that ain't good when you're visiting Peyton Manning's house.

Well Drink Games: They may surprise you from time to time without all the high expectations

Minnesota Vikings at Green Bay Packers (-8)

I'm hoping this game is closer than it appears, especially considering how lifeless Green Bay looked on Sunday night. The Vikings have a little more than a prayer if they can get Adrian Peterson going early. But I trust that Aaron Rodgers is competitive enough to pick up the pieces after a Meadowlands rout and take it out on his lesser NFC North rivals.

Indianapolis Colts at Detroit Lions (-4.5)

Here's an interesting experimental question: is it that the Colts don't play as well on the road in general, or that they don't play as well outdoors? We'll find out for sure (sample size = 1) on Sunday in Detroit. My spidey senses say the bigger issue is that Colts' defense won't hold up against an explosive Lions team that was robbed on Thanksgiving. On a related note, I hope Andrew Luck wears a cup.

New England Patriots (-7.5) at Miami Dolphins

The Pats are looking absolutely vintage right now the way they've run up the score mercilessly against schmucks like the Jets as of late to the rest of America's delight. They'll get a chance to do it again against an uneven Dolphins team unless Buffalo Wild Wings employees turn on the sprinklers again.

San Francisco 49ers (-7) at St. Louis Rams
I'm not sure this really belongs in the Well Drink bucket other than that the Rams could have a slight boost with the early time slot, but they must be kicking themselves that they concussed Alex Smith three weeks ago only to have to face a well-oiled Colin Kaepernick instead. The irony and the agony. This one won't end in a tie.

Cincinnati Bengals (-2) at San Diego Chargers
The Bengals seem to have really recaptured their groove as of late, while the Chargers couldn't groove their way out of a paper bag... in the 4th quarter. With the wild card carrot dangling within reach for Cincy, I like their chances against confounding and snake-bitten San Diego.

Philadelphia Eagles at Dallas Cowboys (-10)
Who knew the Cowboys would still technically be in the wild card mix after that disastrous outing with the Redskins last week? They'll get what appears to be a freebie against an Eagles team just waiting to be euthanized, but remember, this Dallas team went to overtime against the Cleveland Browns two weeks ago. If Jerry Jones is listening, I still maintain that Yakkity Sax should be a recurring theme song in Cowboys Stadium this weekend.

House Punch Games: Most likely to be lop-sided, sloppy and/or otherwise painful to digest

Arizona Cardinals at New York Jets (-4.5)
Hoo boy. This game really comes down to who will do less damage to their team this time, Ryan Lindley or Mark Sanchez, after two truly embarrassing Week 12 performances. I'm just not sure what to think and I sure as Kanye won't be watching, so I'll go with the home team with more experience and rest.

Carolina Panthers (-3) at Kansas City Chiefs
The Panthers have shown they're mildly capable of beating the dregs of the NFL barrel, and the Kansas City Chiefs surely are that. Still, call it a suicide pick but I think the Chiefs could actually eke out a win here, however implausible. Can't explain it, I just have a weird, wrong feeling and it's not Bieber fever.

Jacksonvile Jaguars at Buffalo Bills (-6)

In most power ranking polls, the Jaguars now have the distinction of becoming a little bit better than the worst team in the NFL. Unfortunately for Jacksonville, the Bills look to be the even-more-distinguished tenth worst team in the NFL or so. Release the Kraken (Spiller).

Houston Texans (-6) at Tennessee Titans

Few teams could use extra rest like the Houston Texans lately, who got an extra helping after a nearly disastrous Thanksgiving in Detroit. I suspect they'll emerge from their lone star cocoons ready to silence some critics this weekend, much to the chagrin of the inconsistent Titans.

Cleveland Browns at Oakland Raiders (PK)

Technically, this could be a decent game since these teams seem pretty evenly matched as indicated by Vegas, but it is totally irrelevent, so in the House Punch it stays. I like Cleveland if Brandon Weeden plays since the Oakland defense is prone to any semblance of an offense, but I'll adjust this one in Oakland's favor if Colt McCoy is under center, reminding us all that someone once thought he was important. This guy: