NFL Week 3 Awards

And just like a phoenix from the ashes, Lady Blitz kicked the door down on picks this week with a 14 - 2 record after going 6 - 10 last time around!  Unfortunately, I was on the road Sunday afternoon and unable to do more than enjoy a very brief Luke McCown mania on Twitter, but I figured I'd issue a few quick Week 3 Awards based on what I've heard through the grapevine:


The James Harrison Participation Award: Chicago Bears
If there's one team that made the business trip just for the paycheck this weekend, it had to be the Chicago Bears.  As 15-point underdogs facing the Seahawks in their home opener, there wasn't much hope that the Jimmy Clausen-led Bears would be any match for the Legion of Boom and prodigal son Kam Chancellor.  HOWEVER, you'd have to go back to 1980 to find another team that punted on every. single. possession. in a game.  That's right, Chicago punted on all nine possessions despite putting zero points on the board.  What's more, the Bears had more than three times as many punt yards as they did offensive yards in this one.  If it were possible for this award's namesake to walk into Chicago's front office and strip the Bears of their franchise rights today, I'm almost positive Harrison would do it.

The Buyer's Remorse Award: Dennis Hickey
Another week with Ndamukong Suh, another set of offensive fireworks for Miami's opponents.  This time, the Dolphins gave up nearly 430 yards of offense and a 95.3 QB rating to the surging Tyrod Taylor and rival Buffalo Bills.  Miami's plethora of problems right now certainly cannot be pegged solely on Suh, but as I mentioned in my preseason preview, his massive contract penned by Dolphins GM Dennis Hickey really limited this team's ability to balance out the rest of the defensive roster and therefore limited their margin of error too.  Of course, it's still too early to tell if this big free agency haul will be a net positive or a total bust, but through three games, Suh has just seven tackles and zero sacks.  With the Dolphins currently in the cellar of the AFC East, it's either going to take a significant defensive turnaround or trial by Ryan Tannehill shoot-out to give this team a shot at January.

The Shrimp Slayers Award: Broncos, Falcons & Panthers (tie)
With more time and couch potato insight, I might have done a separate feature on the wealth of 3 - 0 teams we have this season and whether or not I think they're any good.  Instead, I'm giving out some tiered awards based on what these franchises have done so far and where I think they might be going.  First, we have the shrimp slayers, or the teams that have edged out very weak opponents for the most part over their first three weeks.  That's not to say these teams aren't any good in their own right, it's just that we won't really know until the competition heats up.  The Broncos, for example, have beaten three teams that are a collective 1 - 8, and it took some incredibly timely defensive takeaways in the fourth quarter of each game to come out on top.  With Denver's offense continuing to look uneven at best, another division title is hardly a guarantee even with their current 2-game lead.  The Falcons and Panthers on the other hand are almost certainly the only contenders for the NFC South, but they too have had a cakewalk schedule so far that has included 75% of the NFC East for Atlanta and the 2 - 7 collective of the Jaguars, Texans and Saints for Carolina.  All but one of these two teams' games to date have come down to the fourth quarter, so it's hard to believe they're primed for a Super Bowl run at this stage.  In any case, wins against quality opponents would add another level of legitimacy to these teams' fast starts.

The Right Place, Right Time, Right Stuff Award: Bengals & Cardinals (tie)
Cincinnati and Arizona haven't exactly faced world-beaters either for the most part, but they've been mighty impressive on both sides of the ball while doing it.  Cincy is second only to the Patriots in offensive yards per game and among the best on defense in terms of rushing yards and points allowed.  Andy Dalton has looked better than ever so far this season, suddenly confident enough in his supporting cast and defense not to force plays that aren't there.  The Cardinals have been even better - stunningly so.  They've won their first three games by an average of more than 25 points, or four possessions, and have found a goldmine of playmakers on offense, defense and special teams that are all capable of finding the end zone.  Coming off of another devastating injury, Carson Palmer is showing that he has more than enough left in the tank to lead the highest-scoring team in the NFL this season.  Longtime Bengals and Cardinals fans are probably waiting for the other shoe to drop, and history suggests that this is a distinct possibility.  But if these teams can stay healthy and keep doing what's working, they've got some real spoiler potential against the old guard in their respective conferences.  Let's hope they can keep it up as they go into the tougher parts of the schedule ahead.

The Shoe-In by Rule of Quarterback Award: Patriots & Packers (tie)
And finally, there's plenty of positive things to say about the performance of the Patriots and Packers this month as is nearly always the case.  I could kick the tires a little on New England's young defense or Green Bay's reshuffled offensive line, but as long as Brady and Rodgers are under center, they'll be in the top tier of NFL contenders.  The ticket to January has already been rubber-stamped.  You're welcome for this Pulitzer-caliber analysis, by the way.

NFL Week 3 Picks

Pay no attention to those Week 2 picks behind the curtain! I'm just warming up! My offensive line sucks! I can't take back that miserable 6 - 10 plummet after such a great 13 - 3 season debut, but it's a new dawn, it's a new week and I'm feelin' good.  At least I'm not alone.  Anyway, here are your Lady Blitz Week 3 NFL Picks!

Top Shelf Games: Talent-rich, highly competitive and aged in oak barrels... spiritually speaking

Kansas City Chiefs at Green Bay Packers (-6.5) - Another prime time game in Green Bay, another chance for you to follow @PGDougSchneider on Twitter. He's a local beat writer who live-tweets everything that goes over the police scanner at Lambeau Field, and let me tell you, those lake people cannot hold their liquor.  Anyway, this clash of playoff hopefuls gets Lady Blitz Game of the Week honors this time around.  With the Legion of Boom continuing to look a bit disheveled last week, the Chiefs might well be the best defense Aaron Rodgers & co. will face so far this season.  Still, if this comes down to a big downfield passing play in the fourth quarter, give me Rodgers any day over Alex Smith.

Cincinnati Bengals at Baltimore Ravens (-2.5) - Not to get all dramatic but it's do or die time for the Ravens.  They've lost two heartbreakingly close games on the road and now have to host a white-hot divisional rival.  Baltimore has often been its best self with its back against the wall, but I wouldn't bet a dime on this game if I were you.  The Ravens are typically very good at home but did not look like themselves against the Raiders last week.  Cincy on the other hand is back to steamrolling everyone in the first half of the season, so I've got to go Bengals with a solid offensive roster and Geno Atkins back at full strength.

Atlanta Falcons (-2) at Dallas Cowboys - This may not be much of a game despite what Jerry Jones wants to believe about Brandon Weeden, but it's worth a shot between these two 2 - 0 teams with solid talent and reasons for optimism this season.  Of course, the fact that the Cowboys just picked up Matt Cassel is pretty telling about their real feelings on Weeden.  If Romo and Dez were around, I'd probably go Dallas at home but I feel pretty confident that Atlanta will continue its hot streak against the NFC East on Sunday.

Buffalo Bills at Miami Dolphins (-3) - What to think of the Dolphins so far this season?  They squeaked by the Redskinks who might be better than we think, and then they whiffed majorly against the Jaguars.  The Jaguars!  I rarely get things right for this team (or for the Bills for that matter), so I'm pretty sure the Dolphins will win because I'm going Buffalo.  If there's hope for Miami, it's that the Patriots gave them a blueprint for exploiting the Bills' formidable defense last week.  But I don't trust a 'Fins defense that has given up over 700 yards in its first two games - though it feels weird to say, Tyrod Taylor might just be able to win a shootout.

Well Drink Games: They may surprise you from time to time without all the high expectations

Washington Redskinks at New York Giants (-3.5) - There’s a Mark Twain saying that a cat who walks on a hot stove once will never walk on it again whether the stove is on or not. What does that have to do with this game? Well, the last time the Kirk Cousins-led Redskinks played the Giants on Thursday Night Football, I predicted:

• It seems safe to assume [Eli Manning is] going to be back to his old incompetent antics in DC tonight. ...Kirk Cousins walks in as the more reliable quarterback.

Cousins promptly turned the ball over five times and Washington lost by 31 points. So despite the Redskinks’ unexepectedly dynamite performance last week and the Giants’ consecutive fourth-quarter whiffs, I will forever go New York in this scenario.

Pittsburgh Steelers (-1) at St. Louis Rams - Rejoice, Steelers fans!  The Ravens are already two games back and you get Le'Veon Bell back this week.  This week certainly won't be a cakewalk though - Aaron Donald would love to crash Bell's reunion and Pittsburgh spotty offensive line while he's at it.  As much as I'd like to see St. Louis win another battle in the trenches, the Steelers ought to have the upper hand if they can keep the Rams secondary on its toes with some quick-footed Bell-Brown mojo.

San Diego Chargers at Minnesota Vikings (-2.5) - And now, a paradox must end - I'm 0 - 2 picking Vikings' games and 2 - 0 picking Chargers games.  I've really dragged my feet on this one too because these teams look pretty evenly matched from my vantage point.  So... uh... Vikings?

Oakland Raiders at Cleveland Browns (-3.5) - It looks like the fun police are on patrol in Cleveland.  All Josh McCown and no Johnny Football make the Browns a dull team.  I may regret not picking the Raiders with their way more interesting Amari Cooper fireworks show, but Cleveland's defense is no joke.  Take that with a long flight and early start time, and I see Oakland getting off to a slow start they'll have a hard time overcoming.  P.S., How weird is it to see the Browns and Raiders in the Well Drink bucket?  Enjoy it while it lasts!

Indianapolis Colts (-3.5) at Tennessee Titans - It's starting to feel like desperation time for the Colts, so what better way to turn things around than to visit a team they've beaten 12 out of the last 13 times they've played each other?  This feels like the perfect game for Andrew Luck to get back to gunslinging after being demolished by what are likely the two best defenses Indy will face this year - at least that's what this sad fantasy owner is telling herself.  But the Colts might need some gunslinging after making Ryan Fitzpatrick look like a Pro Bowler on Monday; this could be a fun one for that Mariota kid too.

San Francisco 49ers at Arizona Cardinals (-6.5) - This Cardinals team looks even more for real than the last two iterations under Bruce Arians, and they have a sneaky-good homefield advantage.  I think that spells trouble for the unpredictable 49ers, but it's a little late in the day to type more about this one. 

Denver Broncos (-3.5) at Detroit Lions - Given Denver's significant offensive struggles, I feel a tad skeptical about this being a surefire win for the Broncos.  But they've been beating better teams than the Lions on the strength of an incredible defense.  Assuming Detroit might just cough up a turnover or two--she said sardonically--I see the Broncs winning the field position battle and racking up just enough extra scoring opportunities to keep on trucking.

House Punch Games: Most likely to be lop-sided, sloppy and/or otherwise painful to digest

Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Houston Texans (-6.5) - Like the Colts, the Texans can get right back in the mix with a win this week.  Seeing as how the Buccaneers have already allowed 7 sacks through two games (against the Saints and Titans, mind you), I think this is a good time for that mean Houston front seven to take over.

Philadelphia Eagles at New York Jets (-2.5) - I know we're only three weeks into the season, but the Jets are allowing 8.5 points per game.  That's downright insane, and good for Todd Bowles in making this stout defense hum right out of the gate.  A week ago, I probably would've given the Eagles the benefit of the doubt against Gang Green, but Philly's offensive line is almost certainly no match for what the Jets are cooking right now.

New Orleans Saints at Carolina Panthers (-7.5) - Music for this prediction is brought to you by sad Saints fans. Drew Brees says he could play Sunday which is almost certainly not true, but even if it were, New Orleans just hasn't been a good football team for a while.  The Panthers should be able to hold serve with the Falcons against another cupcake team at home.

Jacksonville Jaguars at New England Patriots (-13.5) - We might finally get the Jimmy Garoppolo appearance that everyone Jimmy Garoppolo has been hoping for!  This thing seems ripe for fourth quarter backup QB garbage time.  But seeing as how the Jaguars have more wins than the Seahawks and Colts right now, I'll stop badgering them a little while.

Chicago Bears at Seattle Seahawks (-15) - What does Kam Chancellor's return get the Seahawks?  A three-possession point spread!  Jimmy Clausen's presence might have something to do with it too, but I think Russell Wilson should feel a lot more confident pre-scheduling a tweet about this homefield opener. 

Lovely Lady Locks 

I’m trying my hand at three points-based picks every week that I think are locks. I hope to count my Monopoly money by the end of the season and will keep you posted along with my overall picks record. For Week 3, my Lovely Lady Locks are:

• Falcons -2 over Cowboys
• Jets -2.5 over Eagles
• Panthers -7.5 over Saints

So How's My Pickin'?
Straight Up Record: 19 - 13
Against the Spread: 4 - 2

NFL Week 2 Awards and 0 - 2 Team Threat Levels

Oof. It sure didn't take long for the mighty to fall this weekend - a truly bizarro one in which nine underdogs came out on top. My picks were horrendous, my fantasy team was a non-starter and the Saints, well, let's just say they are meeting expectations a little too well. But no matter, the rest of life is plenty good so I'm powering through to hand out our Week 2 awards and assess threat levels for all of those 0 - 2 teams starting to reach for the panic button.

The Subtly Worst Coaching Award: Andy Reid
"Most Agonizing Loss" was a bit too straightforward of a title for what the Chiefs did to us on Thursday night. Imagine my fading smugness when Kansas City put on a defensive clinic against their arch-rival Broncos for most of the game as predicted, only to see it all evaporate in the final few minutes of the fourth quarter. Sure, Alex Smith's bad turnovers and Peyton Manning’s late TD drive were factors in the loss, but we should not be letting Andy Reid off the hook for calling one of the subtly worst possible plays so far this season. Tied with no time for another drive in the fourth quarter, Reid was essentially planning to run out the clock for overtime and called a draw up the middle for Jamaal Charles. But of course Charles fumbled on the play and Denver returned the ball for a game-sealing touchdown before the Chiefs would ever have another chance. Hindsight might be 20/20, but there was virtually no upside to calling a draw versus kneeling to end regulation time in that scenario. And as events soon proved, there was a whole lot of downside for this play, not just because the odds of a turnover were much higher with a designed run but also the risk of a totally unnecessary injury. If you aren’t going for meaningful yardage to try and score, why on earth would you put your top offensive player through one of the league’s best defensive gauntlets just to run out the clock? That play was basically like using your grandmother’s fine china to eat a grilled cheese and breaking a plate in the process - though I wouldn’t put that past Andy Reid either.

The Stolen Thunder Award: Johnny Manziel
As my picks record would suggest, I definitely bit off a little too much of that Week 1 hype sandwich in many cases. I thought Marcus Mariota would mop the floor with Johnny Football this week, but it was Manziel who won the head-to-head highlight reel after some big-time downfield plays. To be fair, Mariota was no slouch considering how little time the Titans' offensive line gave him to work with. Still, maybe Manziel's got a little more pro-level mojo than I might have thought, at least until the Browns go up against the defenses of the Broncos, Rams, Bengals, and Cardinals in a few weeks. You know what? Nevermind.

The Just a Flesh Wound Award: Dallas Cowboys
Yeesh. After avoiding the injury bug better than most during last year's memorable 12 - 4 campaign, the Cowboys have been bitten, drawn and quartered in a matter of weeks in 2015. Dallas lost #1 cornerback Orlando Scandrick before the season even started, and now they'll have to spend significant playing time without Dez Bryant or Tony Romo, both sidelined with broken bones for 6+ weeks. Nevertheless, big kudos are due to this team for grinding out a win on the road against a division rival with relative ease anyway. The Cowboys offense stayed just aggressive enough with some big completions from Brandon Weeden while frustrating ex-teammate DeMarco Murray all afternoon with an even bigger defensive performance. It’s hard to say where this team will be two months from now with two gigantic injuries and in a division with plenty of question marks elsewhere, but I wouldn’t count Dallas out just yet.

The Gift of the Magi Award: The Jimmy Graham-Max Unger Trade
Ah yes, the irony (or early season hot take) is setting in on that blockbuster trade between the Seahawks and Saints this past March. Having lacked a consistent receiving threat to match Russell Wilson's fat contract, Seattle was eager to acquire Jimmy Graham. And with Drew Brees on the wrong side of 35 and a defense only a mother could love, the Saints were willing to let go of their red zone stud for a Pro Bowl center and a couple of high draft picks. But the puzzle pieces haven't fit so snugly for either team in reality. Graham has only been targeted a handful of times and is barely cracking the top 100 for receiving yards so far; meanwhile, the Saints are averaging 3.4 yards per carry on the ground, "good enough" for 28th in the league. Adding to these winless teams' misery, they also look worse off in areas where they had been doing well. Marshawn Lynch is averaging just 3.5 yards per carry and was tackled for a loss five times against the typically generous Packers defensive line on Sunday night, speaking to Seattle's offensive line woes. The Saints offense has yet to top 20 points this season and are converting less than 60% of their red zone trips. Of course, it's still too early in the year to truly evaluate these moves, and they aren't the sole reason Seattle and New Orleans are struggling right now, but it makes you wonder if these two teams would secretly take a mulligan on that trade if given the chance.

Assessing 0 - 2 Team Threat Levels

This season has started out just plain weird to say the least. Case in point: of the nine teams currently staring down the barrel of an 0 - 2 start, six had winning records last season and four made the playoffs. And conversely, the Buccaneers, Titans, Jaguars, Raiders, Redskinks and Jets--the six worst teams from 2014 in their draft order--all currently have better records than this group. It may be a small sample size, but it’s also sheer insanity. Tangentially, I’ll take any excuse after an atrocious 6 - 10 picks record this past week. Anyway, historical odds put this somewhat unexpected group at roughly a 10% chance of making the playoffs after an 0 - 2 start. But before we hit the panic button, let’s assess the highly scientific threat levels for all eight winless teams:

Threat Level 1: Hope That Bee Sting Doesn't Swell Up Too Bad

Seattle Seahawks - This is most definitely not the start Seattle wanted, but of every team yet to win a game this season, the Seahawks are still the consensus favorite to turn things around before January. They’ve built a lead in both of their losses to date, have yet to play at home where they have one of the league’s biggest advantages, and still have enough talent to turn things around with some likely adjustments coming. Although everyone else in the NFC West has at least one win to date, the Cardinals are the only team that looks like it can pose a real threat to the divisional crown this year, and that depends on Carson Palmer staying healthy and two head-to-head games left on the schedule at minimum.

Indianapolis Colts - Well crap.  I wasn't expecting to have to add these guys too after they lost at home to the Jets last night.  In a better division, the Colts would be in a world of trouble right now, but they only trail by one game to--wait for it--the Titans and Jaguars!  Indy still doesn't look good - their secondary is paper thin and their offensive line is doing no favors for Frank Gore or that franchise quarterback looking for a big long-term deal.  But with games against all three divisional opponents and then the likely Brees-less Saints after that, Indy can turn this thing around without hardly trying by mid-October.

Threat Level 2: We'll Need to Monitor Things Overnight in the ER

Baltimore Ravens & Detroit Lions 
Things definitely get a little dicier here after the Seahawks. The Ravens & Lions also made the playoffs last season but have a steeper hill to climb to stay in contention this year. They’ll have to catch up with the likes of the Bengals, Steelers, Packers and Vikings in their respective divisions, and they’ll also need to figure things out sooner than later on defense after losing key players that made them so successful last season. They should also run the ball sometimes maybe. Things get a little calmer on the schedule for both teams in the second half of the season, but Baltimore and Detroit will need to rally against some big rivals coming up to have a real shot. Still, there’s a lot to salvage here if either of these teams can find some chemistry and make the proper play-calling adjustments.

Threat Level 3: Does Your Insurance Cover Head Transplants?

Philadelphia Eagles, New York Giants & Houston Texans 
Hoo boy. All three of these teams can thank their lucky stars that they’re still on life support because of how the dominoes have fallen in their divisions so far. The Eagles and Giants are still very much alive given that the Cowboys will be missing huge components of their offense for the next two months and that the Redskinks cannot be trusted to sustain any long-term success as far as I can tell. Likewise, the Texans are only one game back in the “vaunted” AFC South and have plenty of divisional games coming up to gain some ground, especially if Arian Foster comes back sooner than later. And yet, the structural integrity of these three teams is far from sound. The Texans look like they’ll be waffling back and forth between two barely mediocre quarterbacks in futility while this J.J. Watt-led defense hasn’t been generating turnovers or sacks at nearly the pace that got Houston to a surprising 9 - 7 last season. The Giants have kept their last two games extraordinarily close, but this defense is second only to the Raiders in how many yards it's giving up per game, and Jason Pierre-Paul probably isn't coming back anytime soon with that Yoda hand. And of course, Philadelphia looks like anything but the offensively gifted freight train it has been under Chip Kelly for the past two years. From Byron Maxwell to DeMarco Murray to those anonymous lineman acting like admission turnstiles to Sam Bradford, just about everyone on this Eagles team is performing notably worse than they were a year ago. Some breakthroughs from key players and a bit of help from their divisional opponents are critical for these teams to have a chance, but I’m saying there’s a chance.

Threat Level 4: I've Heard Flesh-Eating Bacteria Isn't Fatal 100% of the Time

New Orleans Saints & Chicago Bears
And then, there are two teams that look like they are pretty much down for the count to me, both because they’ve looked woefully incompetent in all phases of the game for a while now and because they probably won’t get much relief elsewhere in the division. Some of you might think I’m piling on the Saints as a panicky homer. But the reality is that this team has gone 3 - 7 over its past ten games including 0 - 6 at home and 1 - 3 against the rest of the NFC South. The offense cannot score and is already on pace to give up over 30 turnovers this season, the running game is worse off, Drew Brees is in decline and now injured, and the defense, well, it’s trying hard with a lot of replacement-level talent that just can’t hang on without a viable offense. With the rest of the NFC South currently at 5 - 1, the Saints won’t have the benefit of trying to outlast worse teams this year and look pretty much done in the Brees-Payton era barring a miracle. The Bears too have run off a cliff fairly recently with little hope of rebounding. Jay Cutler is already back to being shame-injured after throwing a pick six to the Cardinals on Sunday, and Chicago has no exit after signing him to a huge long-term deal that looks worse by the game.  Hell is Jay Cutler.  Anyway, expect huge overhauls for these two teams by the time September 2016 rolls around.  It might be the only thing to look forward to for their fans.

NFL Week 2 Picks

Welp, it's always great to gloat about an awesome week for picking, as I went 13 - 3 on straight up wins and 3 - 0 against the spread with my Lovely Lady Locks!  But it's also a near certainty that I won't be able to repeat that kind of performance this week, especially because this will be a fly-by-night crank it out kind of affair.  Anyway, here are my Week 2 picks!

Top Shelf Games: Talent-rich, highly competitive and aged in oak barrels... spiritually speaking

Seattle Seahawks at Green Bay Packers (-3.5) - From the rivalry that brought you Fail Mary and one of the most memorable NFC Championships ever played, the next chapter in the Seahawks-Packers saga is our Lady Blitz Game of the Week! While Seattle has owned this series for the past several years, their prospects are suddenly starting to look murkier. They’ll be playing at Lambeau for the first time since 2009, quite possibly without 50% of last year’s Legion of Boom, and judging by how awesome the Seahawks’ defense made Nick Foles look last week, they’ll have their work cut out with a wrathful Aaron Rodgers who probably still can’t acknowledge that January 18, 2015 ever existed. I’m definitely nervous about Green Bay’s ability to keep Marshawn Lynch in check on Sunday night, but it just feels like fate owes the Packers a win this time after so many cruel losses in recent years.

Denver Broncos at Kansas City Chiefs (-3) - It finally happened - the Chiefs are favored against the Broncos! It took a KC smackdown in Houston and a lackluster Peyton Manning performance in Week 1 to get heads turning the other way, but I’m sure the denizens of Arrowhead will take it. I don’t have a statistically sound method for picking a winner here, so I’m going on the facts that 1) Denver’s offensive line gave up four sacks last week, 2) the Chiefs have a freakin’ mean pass rush, and 3) Arrowhead gets rocking in prime time if last year’s Monday night destruction of the Patriots is any indicator.

New England Patriots (-1) at Buffalo Bills - The Pats might have put on an offensive clinic in their season opener, but they ought to be walking into the Ralph with eyes wide open after the Bills pass rush completely dismantled Indianapolis last Sunday. For variety’s sake in the AFC East, I would love to see Buffalo pull off another *slight* upset against their long-time divisional nemesis and I see this being a tight game going into the final 15 minutes. If there’s a wrench in the defensive machine that was near-perfect last week though, it’s that the Bills won’t be able to blitz Tom Brady the way they did with Andrew Luck. Brady has consistently been among the best in the league against quarterback blitzes and went 5-for-5 with two TDs in this scenario against the Steelers last week. I go Pats and continue my un-jinxing of the Bills.

San Diego Chargers at Cincinnati Bengals (-3) - It's September, which usually means the Bengals are looking dominant while the Chargers are making their late-season rally as difficult as possible. As is so often the case for Cincy, this game will probably come down to which Andy Dalton shows up.  My best guess is that San Diego will get caught sleeping during this early start time and it'll be enough for the Bengals to keep Philip Rivers & co in check for the rest of the game.  Flip this result if these teams meet again in January.

Dallas Cowboys at Philadelphia Eagles (-5) - Division rivals coming off of two insanely weird prime time games last week? Sounds like a winner to me! Beyond the DeMarco Murray traitor/revenge plot, I have a feeling this game will be all about emerging stars. Dallas will have to get things done without Murray or Dez Bryant, who’s out with a broken foot for a while. And Philly is of course still working out the kinks with a new cast of characters who shined at times and faltered in Atlanta on Monday. With the Cowboys missing some key players on both sides of the ball, I just don’t see their grinding style of power running and clock management getting it done this time against an Eagles offense that has had little problem marching down the field at lightning speed when needed.

Well Drink Games: They may surprise you from time to time without all the high expectations

Houston Texans at Carolina Panthers (-3) - The Ryan Mallett era is here, you guys!  Maybe. Goodness, I don't trust either of these offenses against two pretty good defenses.  There's a chance that Luke Kuechly will still be out with a concussion, which could give the Texans just enough breathing room to squeak by while J.J. Watt takes Michael Oher's milk money on the other side of the ball.  So the Texans.  Maybe.

San Francisco 49ers at Pittsburgh Steelers (-6) - I was very impressed with the 49ers' opener last Monday - almost as impressed as I was with Autralian rugby writer Mike Cleary's live blog of just how weird American football is as he watched Jarryd Hayne's debut waaaay across the pond.  If they can recreate that bruising power on both lines of scrimmage, the Steelers will be toast.  But with Pittsburgh getting extra rest and having plenty of weapons in the passing game, I'll have to see another Niners upset before I get on the Jim Tomsula train for real.

Detroit Lions at Minnesota Vikings (-2.5) - Conversely, what to think of the Vikings after they were dominated from start to finish in Santa Clara?  As I wrote earlier this week, that all hinges on whether Minnesota's offensive line can glue the pieces back together before Haloti Ngata and Ziggy Ansah take another hammer to it.  On Detroit's end, that defensive pressure could go a long way, but so could a breakout game from Ameer Abdullah.  He had flashes of brilliance in Week 1, but he could get a whole lot more people talking with a big day against a team that gave up 230 (!!!) yards on the ground last week.

Arizona Cardinals (-1.5) at Chicago Bears - Losing Andre Ellington for a few weeks could make life a bit harder for the Cardinals, but Bruce Arians always seems to find a way with this team. Even if Arizona struggles a bit to put offensive points on the board against John Fox's new-look Bears, the Cards' defense should have a field day with Jay Cutler and friends. They hit hard and have no problem exploiting mistake-prone quarterbacks.

Atlanta Falcons at New York Giants (-2.5) - Oy, I cannot tell you how conflicted I feel about seeing big potential in a hated division rival. The Falcons defense came out swinging last week against Chip Kelly's points machine and found a balanced attack on offense with a heavy dose of Julio Jones and Tevin Coleman.  It's pretty much exactly what I've feared going into this season.  If the Giants have a chance to save face this week after a deeply embarrassing collapse in Dallas, it'll be because Odell Beckham has one of those games to match Julio's production.  But ODB will probably have to line up with Desmond Trufant, who is getting closer to "shutdown corner" status every year.  Lawd I hope I'm wrong.

New York Jets at Indianapolis Colts (-7) - That Jets defense sure looked good as advertised last week so my interest is piqued given how great Todd Bowles has been with the Cardinals before coming to the Meadowlands.  One small caveat: the Colts are not the Browns, and they probably won't cough up four fumbles against Gang Green the way Cleveland did after losing Josh McCown under center immediately.  It may not be the prettiest game for Andrew Luck, but he should be able to get the job done at home in prime time.

House Punch Games: Most likely to be lop-sided, sloppy and/or otherwise painful to digest

Tampa Bay Buccaneers at New Orleans Saints (-10.5) - After being brutalized by Arizona’s defense for 60 minutes, I’m guessing the Saints will be happy to take their chances against a Bucs team that gave up 4 TD passes in a single half to a rookie quarterback at home last week. Of course, Jameis Winston should have an easier go against New Orleans’ reeling defense too, but let’s hope the mistakes keep coming for the young QB in a hostile road environment. I can’t see this Saints’ defense helping pitch a blowout as the point spread suggests, but I can see Drew Brees outdueling a young and presently floundering quarterback in Dome Sweet Dome.

Tennessee Titans (-1) at Cleveland Browns - Speaking of, after eating Winston’s lunch last Sunday, Marcus Mariota will make his second stop on the Heisman QB head-to-head tour against Johnny Manziel this week! (And yep, he’ll get Cam Newton later this year too). It’s still too early to know how far the Titans and Mariota will get this season, especially as opposing defenses get more intel on Ken Whisenhunt’s new system, so I’m trying not to get too hyperbolic here. But the ex-Duck has to be feeling a lot more confident than Manziel going into this game, and the Browns are still the Browns.

St. Louis Rams (-3.5) at Washington Redskinks - Be on the lookout for more Jeff Fisher trolling about that fateful RG3 trade in 2012, though at this point, even he'd probably admit it'd be punching down against these utterly pathetic Redskinks.  If Robert Griffin is looking for a silver lining this week, it'd probably be that he and his ligaments won't be anywhere near the Rams' front seven now that he's on the scout team.  Sigh.

Baltimore Ravens (-6) at Oakland Raiders - The Raiders offense looked pretty rough against Cincy last Sunday, but they might get a little relief against a Ravens defense that is sans Suggs and has nada Ngata (I’ll show myself out now). It’d be great to see some Amari Cooper highlights anhow. But with much of Oakland’s secondary ailing after making Andy Dalton look competent last week, I see Flacco getting back on track as he often does after an abysmal showing.

Miami Dolphins (-6) at Jacksonville Jaguars - Meh to this game and everyone trapped in any part of Florida's regional viewing areas every week.  At least Orlando finally broke free after years of unbridled torture.  Getting back to the point, the Dolphins are fine, the Jaguars are not.

Lovely Lady Locks 

I’m trying my hand at three points-based picks every week that I think are locks. I hope to count my Monopoly money by the end of the season and will keep you posted along with my overall picks record. For Week 2, my Lovely Lady Locks are:

• Cardinals -1.5 over Bears
• Titans -1 over Browns
• Rams -3.5 over Redskinks

So How's My Pickin'?
Last Week's Straight Up Record: 13 - 3
Against the Spread: 3 - 0

NFL Week 1 Awards and a Reason for Every Team to Be Optimistic This Year

Good day, dear Lady Blitz readers!  It's been an eventful Week 1 to say the least, so I've decided to bestow some awards (as I hope to do most weeks this season) that capture the good, the bad, the ugly, and the just plain weird stuff that happens when 22 men run into each other for 60 minutes every week.  And also because it's just a fun thing to do, I'm giving out reasons for every team to be optimistic this year.  Let's roll out the hardware!

The Bittersweet Hindsight Award: Darren Bevell's Ego
First up, I hope the irony wasn't lost on anyone who watched the end of that Rams-Seahawks game on Sunday.  After an entire offseason of being reamed out for not letting Marshawn Lynch run it up the gut at the end of Super Bowl XLIX, the Seahawks gave the people what they wanted and called Lynch's number on a do-or-die 4th and 1 in overtime.  Only instead of willing an automatic first down, Lynch was stuffed well behind the line of scrimmage, sealing the upset for St. Louis whose defense saw the play coming a mile away. Seattle fans have to be pulling their hair out, especially given the lackluster play of their Legion of Boom and offensive line to start the season.  But I have a sneaking suspicion that Seahawks OC Darren Bevell must have felt at least an iota of vindication on Sunday after all of that criticism for not going with Lynch the last time around.  Sure, it's a sample size of two plays and both of them resulted in disastrous losses for Seattle, but I'd like to think Bevell and Pete Carroll smirked their way home with a "Told ya so!" after losing on a Lynch run - they probably needed some way to rationalize that just-plain-goofy decision to start overtime with an onside kick anyhow.  Also, if you're reading this, Russell Wilson, I know you're a cyborg and all but you might want to stop with the scheduled Tweets thing - it's a bad look.

The Helmet of Smugness Award: (Tie) Tom Brady and Marcus Mariota
On my weekly trivia team, we have an invisible "Crown of Smugness" for when we turn in a wrong answer but someone on the team guessed the right one during discussion. Tangentially, I'm an awful taunter when I wear the Crown.  This week, Tom Brady and Marcus Mariota torched opponents and doubters alike for a combined 8 TDs and 500 yards, so I am giving them smugness headware of their own going into Week 2 as they remember fondly the Roger Goodells and Skip Baylesses of the world who didn't see them coming.  And given that Goodell, Bayless and Jameis Winston all ended up looking even more ridiculous after these big-time QB performances, I hope you buy Brady or Mariota a fruit basket if you see them this week.  Here's a fun factoid by the way: the Titans, who went 2 - 14 last season, currently have sole possession of first place in the AFC South. Whaaaa?

The Sky Is Still Blue Award: Matt Stafford's Road Record
One of the weirdest streaks out there in the NFL has to be Matt Stafford's 0-fer record against winning teams on the road.  Where we last left things, Stafford was part of the Lions' 4th-quarter collapse against the Cowboys in the Wild Card round, bringing him to 0 - 18 when visiting teams above 0.500.  If you grant that the Chargers are now winning at 1 - 0 after a wild comeback, that makes the perplexing Detroit QB 0 - 19 in this situation.  He certainly didn't help his team hang on to that double-digit lead with two interceptions and two punts on consecutive drives in the second half in San Diego, and although a record this dramatic has to be a little flukey, I wouldn't stand next to this guy in a lightning storm at Lambeau Field, just sayin'.

The Hype Train Award: Those Buffalo Bills
Holy guacamole, those Bills.  You'd be hard-pressed to find another team that had a more dominant start to this season.  We knew Buffalo's defense would be no joke, especially after they bullied Aaron Rodgers into a QBR resembling that of Josh McCown last year.  But holding the Andrew Luck-led Colts scoreless for nearly three full quarters and putting up 400 yards of offense with Tyrod Taylor under center?  Color me wildly impressed.  Jump on this hype train with me and hope that Rex Ryan can keep things interesting in the AFC East after all!  The Bills will certainly get their shot when the Patriots come to town next week.

The Aggressively Early Panic Button Award: The Vikings' Offensive Line
Maybe it's just the Week 1 rust or maybe it's that the 49ers still look more than competent on defense with a healthy Navarro Bowman returning, but you'd be hard-pressed to find a worse performance by an offensive line this week than that of the Vikings.  They gave up five sacks on Teddy Bridgewater-- even helping out on one--and kept Adrian Peterson to just 3 yards per carry.  There was reason to see this coming.  Starting right tackle Phil Loadholt suffered a season-ending injury weeks ago and center John Sullivan could be out for several weeks to come.  We could certainly expect some growing pains as this reshuffled line tries to figure things out, but they better get it together quick if they're going to give this offense a chance against the Lions (twice!), Broncos and Chiefs over the next five weeks.

Reasons for Every Team to Be Optimistic This Year

The beauty of Week 1 is that every team and fan can delude themselves into high hopes for the season.  At best, you had a solid win or surprising upset.  At worst, you're a game away from 0.500 and have another 15 more games to prove yourself worthy.  So here's my rapid fire take on why every team can be optimistic at this point:

Broncos - If defense still wins championships, you're a contender whether or not Manning still has gas in the tank.

Bears - Somehow, Matt Forte is still amazing and criminally underrated.

Bengals - Your secondary will make up for plenty of mediocre outings from Andy Dalton in the future, assuming Adam Jones isn't eventually suspended for all of time of course.

Bills - Your quarterback may not actually erase all of your defense's spectacular work.

Browns - Good, bad or meh, Johnny Manziel's mere presence will bring your team more national media attention than they've had for the past three decades.

Buccaneers - Your quarterback's failings have brought tremendous amounts of joy to just about everyone living outside of the state of Florida.

Cardinals - Carson Palmer is still playing well enough for you to be deeply depressed if he gets injured again.

Chargers - In a matter of two quarters, you suddenly don't hate Philip Rivers' new contract that much anymore.

Chiefs - You might just be favored against the Broncos next week... finally.

Colts - Andrew Luck can almost certainly handle every other defense left on the schedule.

Cowboys -Welp, at least Tony Romo said he's gotten used to not throwing the ball to Dez Bryant.  RIP Bakery Special Fantasy Team:(

Dolphins - You're 1 - 0!  ...Just like every other team in the AFC East.

Eagles - Sam Bradford is still walking!

Falcons - The NFC South is looking miiiighty attainable.

49ers - Rumors of your defense's death have been greatly exaggerated.

Giants - Even without JPP and Jon Beason, your defense was almost good enough to overcome abysmal clock management by Eli Manning.

Jaguars - There are worse ways to spend a Sunday afternoon than swimming while watching the Red Zone channel outside.

Jets - You are capable of forcing 5 turnovers in a game, even if it's against the Browns.

Lions - Ameer Abdullah might help you not blow so many leads in road games against teams with winning records if you use him.

Packers - You still have Aaron Rodgers on your team!

Panthers - Your quarterback lives to play another week with virtually no offensive line to be seen.

Patriots - Tom Brady is clearly back to 2007 Vengeance Tour form.

Rams - Your victory over Seattle was all guts and skill with just a dash of special teams voodoo.

Raiders - There's going to be an Amari Cooper breakout game at some point, and it's going to be awesome.

Ravens - Sure, Joe Flacco didn't look good on Sunday, but neither did Peyton Manning.

Redskinks - You still have time to trade in your RG3 jersey for an Alfred Morris one.

Saints - At least Jimmy Graham lost this week too.

Seahawks - That 4th quarter Nick Foles drive might just have been enough to guilt Kam Chancellor into coming back next week.

Steelers - There are far worse 2nd string running backs than De'Angelo Williams.

Titans - Were you even watching the game yesterday?  Holy crap, Marcus Mariota hath delivered.

Texans - Apparently Arian Foster's recovery is going well.

Vikings - Um, you probably won't have to play another game that starts at 10pm central time this year?

NFL Week 1 Picks

Rejoice, ye Lady Blitz readers for today marks the official beginning of the NFL season, and my laptop was only 80% destroyed by marinade!  Let's get right into it with these Week 1 picks fresh off the presses:

Top Shelf Games: Talent-rich, highly competitive and aged in oak barrels... spiritually speaking

Pittsburgh Steelers at New England Patriots (-7) - If there’s any team that was hoping we’d just let sleeping dogs lie this week, I’m guessing it would be the Steelers. With Tom Brady’s Ballghazi suspension overturned and ESPN dropping a very curiously-timed follow up report to Spygate, I’m guessing the reigning Super Bowl champs are going to drop a metric ton of brimstone and hellfire on PIttsburgh tonight. And with the Steelers missing key starters from injury and suspension, this might well be a runaway rout. Nevertheless, for those of you with a morbid fascination with grisly demises, this season opener gets Lady Blitz Game of the Week honors!

Indianapolis Colts (-2.5) at Buffalo Bills - Next up, a potential classic clash of styles in Buffalo. The Colts are of course anchored by a big-production passing attack with Andrew Luck, while the Bills would like you to forget about both quarterbacks on the field with a very mean pass rush. I would absolutely not be surprised to see the Bills pull off the upset given Rex Ryan’s well-known spoiler superpowers, but I’ll still take Luck over Tyrod Taylor et al any day. Plus, for my Buffalo readership, this team always does better when I don’t pick them.

Tennessee Titans at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-3) - For once, I am thrilled to be in the Titans’ regional viewing area. Kudos to you NFL schedule-makers out there for giving us a juicy and rare dual-rookie QB debut. And who didn’t have fun watching Marcus Mariota and Jameis Winston face off in the college playoffs back in January, other than those Florida State amoral cretins fans of course? Tampa Bay should absolutely win this game given much better all-around talent than Tennessee, but I have a feeling Famous Jameis won’t make it easy on them. If Mariota’s got a Week 1 advantage, it’s that he’s more conservative and accurate than Winston as a passer, so I envision a tight game that hinges on the young gun who makes the fewest mistakes.

Baltimore Ravens at Denver Broncos (-4.5) - Ravens fans would probably like to forget the last time their team visited Mile High - it ended with a Peyton Manning 7-TD MVP campaign. There are plenty of questions around Manning’s health status these days - his wobbly ducks certainly looked a little more wounded in the preseason than they have in previous years. But I like Denver in this one for a couple reasons: 1) they’ve got some power-running chops versus a defensive line without Haloti Ngata; and 2) Baltimore is starting from scratch with a young and inexperienced set of receivers that probably still need time to gel.

New York Giants at Dallas Cowboys (-6) - For a while there, this storied rivalry was a laughing stock with few consistently good prospects. But last season, the Giants found a legitimate star receiver and the Cowboys finally made good on years of stockpiling talent at the line of scrimmage. I’m not yet confident New York will be able to turn things around after a slew of injuries on defense, so I’m giving Round 1 this season to the sturdier Cowboys.

Well Drink Games: They may surprise you from time to time without all the high expectations

Green Bay Packers (-7) at Chicago Bears - Speaking of rekindled rivalries, John Fox has his defensive turnaround work cut out for his Bears' debut against the Packers in Week 1. I could see Green Bay walking into this one a bit overconfident since they’ve owned Chicago nearly every time a healthy Aaron Rodgers has taken the field, but when push comes to shove, I expect the Packers to break away by the fourth quarter.

Kansas City Chiefs at Houston Texans (-1) - This could be a sneaky-good game depending on how you feel about football in the trenches.  Both teams certainly have stars and potential heading into 2015. For the Texans, J.J. Watt's mere presence should be enough to trick Alex Smith into some premature dumpoffs while Brian Hoyer is a decent if not astoundingly great replacement for Ryan Fitzpatrick.  But the Chiefs come in with what looks like a strengthened offensive line, receiving threat and plenty of defensive punch of their own.  Especially as Houston sorts things out with a new quarterback in Arian Foster's absence, I like Kansas City having a solid road showing this week.

Seattle Seahawks (-4) at St. Louis Rams - Hand it to the Rams last season for pulling off a tremendous upset against their toughest divisional foe. And with Nick Foles at the helm and a defensive front somehow even more brutal than in years past, St. Louis is in as good of a position as ever to fight the Seahawks to the death again.  Nevertheless, I see Seattle expecting the unexpected this time around and edging the Rams out with better talent on offense.

New Orleans Saints at Arizona Cardinals (-2.5) - As much as I'd like to homer this one away for my Saints, I'm pretty darn nervous about that defense.  They looked discombobulated all preseason long and will have to find a way to get stops without Junior Galette's pass rush or Keenan Lewis in the secondary.  With Carson Palmer back at full strength and Bruce Arians having several months to dream up new schemes, the Cardinals' offense just looks too good for New Orleans' rebuilt defense to handle.

Detroit Lions at San Diego Chargers (-3) - Similar to the Saints, the Lions will have something to prove on defense after losing Ndamukong Suh and Nick Fairley in the offseason. Of course, their defense was great to begin with last year, so all is not lost.  This feels like a coin toss game to me that depends in large part on which of these two quarterbacks shows up or perhaps whose rookie RB is ready to breakout after lots of preseason buzz.  So heck, how about the home team?

Philadelphia Eagles (-3) at Atlanta Falcons - Change is in the air with new coaches, quarterbacks and lots of new skill players on both sides of the ball for these two teams.  Vegas is understandably going with the proven coach and the offensive juggernaut that steamrolled everyone else in the preseason. I can't blame them, but I'm willing to take a chance on a Falcons team that has nowhere to go but up on defense that ought to be energized by a promising coaching regime at home.

House Punch Games: Most likely to be lop-sided, sloppy and/or otherwise painful to digest

Cleveland Browns at New York Jets (-3) - It's not too late to pick out a good book if you're thinking of watching this game on Sunday.  Oof.  But if you are, I'll take the Jets' defensive prowess over Cleveland's QB downgrade from Brian Hoyer to Josh McCown.  It's hard to fathom what they were thinking.

Miami Dolphins (-3) at Washington Redskinks - I could not find a picture of the Miami Tsuhnami that I liked, so enjoy this virtual approximation below! Ndamukong Suh should have lots of fun against what could end up being the worst offensive line in the NFL.  I can feel Jay Gruden's seat getting closer to boiling.

Carolina Panthers (-3) at Jacksonville Jaguars - This has suddenly become a more interesting prospect than we might have thought.  With the Panthers' offensive weapons diminishing and signs of life emerging for the Jaguars' skill players, it may not be as lopsided of an affair anymore. But Carolina's defense is still worthy of eating Blake Bortles alive.

Cincinnati Bengals (-3.5) at Oakland Raiders - Andy Dalton vs. Khalil Mack should be making Bengals fan shudder a bit.  The beleaguered Red Rifle just isn't good under pressure, and OC Hue Jackson would do well to call Jeremy Hill's number early and often.  Still, I like Cincy's secondary enough to frustrate Derek Carr and his new friend Amari Cooper while Dalton drives his team to a few more field goals.

Minnesota Vikings (-2.5) at San Francisco 49ers - And finally, we will get our first clue as to how low the 49ers might go this season.  I picked the Vikings to make the playoffs, so you know I've bought into that hype.  With so much turnover on defense, the Niners could struggle mightily against Minnesota's multi-faceted attack.  Meanwhile, the Vikings' defense has just gotten stronger and deeper since last season.  Let me stop now before I jinx them any further.

Lovely Lady Locks

And now for something new and different for Lady Blitz! Since my picks above aren’t based on the spread and I’ve been doing this thing for over three years, I’m going to try my hand at three points-based picks every week that I think are locks. I hope to count my Monopoly money by the end of the season and will keep you posted along with my overall picks record. For Week 1, my Lovely Lady Locks are:

• Packers -7 over Bears
• Chiefs +1 over Texans
• Dolphins -3 over Redskinks

NFL Playoff Predictions and 10 Games to Watch in 2015

Le sigh.  Apologies in advance for any especially poor writing or formatting quality this week. I had planned to get most of my NFL season preview material done yesterday but managed to marinate my laptop with a delightful Moroccan chicken sauce and possibly kill it forever.  It's less than six months old, so if you have any pro tips on trying to fix that quagmire or resell barely used parts, holler at your girl.  But to quote a certain Sith Lord, we're on to the next post. 

Picking up where we left off with win-loss predictions, I'll put my money where my mouth is with all-too-early ill-fated playoff predictions.  But first, with kickoff less than 48 hours from now, get your markers ready to circle these 10 NFL games to watch this season!

10 NFL Games to Watch in 2015

1) Tennessee Titans at Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Week 1
Assuming Jameis Winston and Marcus Mariota will both start the very first games of their rookie season (which, c’mon Lovie and Ken, this is what America wants!), this opener has enough "narrative" to crush a Smart Car. It’ll probably be sloppy. But there are so many great hype elements at play: a rematch between two quarterbacks who faced off a remarkable two FBS games ago, who have won the last two Heisman Trophies and who went #1 and #2 in the NFL draft. Will this be a Peyton Manning-Ryan Leaf-style boom and bust? Will it be a John Elway-Dan Marino both/and? Only September 13th will tell. Let the draft decision hot takes begin with an NFL game sample size of 1!

2) Seattle Seahawks at Green Bay Packers, Week 2
Between the Fail Mary of 2012 and the Cheeseheads' Total Meltdown of 2015, these NFC heavies have had some very memorable nail-biters in recent years. Outside of the historical story lines, this game is brimming with great matchup questions. Can Aaron Rodgers finally outduel the Legion of Boom in his own backyard? Will Marshawn Lynch and Russell Wilson continue to confound the Packers defense on the ground? Will Mike McCartney borrow some chill from Pete Carroll without the occasionally terrible decision-making?  All I know for sure is that Green Bay has a massive chip on its shoulder after that disastrous whiff in January, and they've had this one circled for a loooong time.

3) New Orleans Saints at Philadelphia Eagles, Week 5
Given my limited optimism for the Saints' prospects in 2015 and/or Chip Kelly's offseason insanity, this might not ultimately deserve to be on the short list.  BUT provided that these are two mediocre-to-bad defenses and that Sean Payton and Chip Kelly are some of the top offensive masterminds in the NFL today, this could be a rocket-fueled shootout for the ages.  These are the kinds of points-heavy bouts fantasy championships are built on.

4) New England Patriots at Indianapolis Colts, Week 6
Because we’ll never get enough of Ballghazi ever again throughout the entirety of our lives, the hype will be epic when the Patriots face their Deflategate accusers for the first time since that infamous January night in Foxboro. If it’s even possible to put the surrounding dramatics aside, this could be a highly competitive game between two of the AFC’s top brass, provided the Colts finally get their act together against the run. As Andrew Luck continues to ascend in the QB ranks and as Indy has tried to build a more balanced roster, let’s at least hope this will be more competitive than the last time these two teams met anyway. Make no mistake though, this is a flagship stop on the Patriots' vengeance tour 2.0.

5) Dallas Cowboys at New York Giants, Week 7
It's quite possible that the Giants won't be as bad and the Cowboys won't be as good as they were last year, so here's hoping for a wild divisional battle between these two teams as they often are. The other reason to get excited about this one? New Madden cover honoree Odell Beckham, Jr. had two of his very best performances against Dallas last season including That Catch, and he’ll be gunning to prove the Madden curse wrong during this big-ticket home game as both teams jockey for position in the crowded NFC East.

6) San Diego Chargers at Baltimore Ravens, Week 8
Although this conference rivalry of sorts doesn't get nearly the attention that many others on this list do, things tend to get weird when the Chargers and Ravens meet.  Last year, the Ravens led for 55 minutes but managed to give up a late touchdown from Philip Rivers to Eddie Royal with seconds left on the clock.  Two years ago, it was Baltimore that eked out an improbable win by converting on a 4th-and-29 screen pass with less than two minutes to go - the closest thing to real-life Tecmo football I've ever seen.  So given that these should be two pretty good teams in 2015 vying for a playoff spot, expect the unexpected in another photo finish.

7) Green Bay Packers at Denver Broncos, Week 8
Not knowing how Peyton Manning will hold up by the time we get to the annual Manning-Brady Bowl in November, I'm opting for a different first-ballot Hall of Fame QB duel that happens once in a blue moon this time around. It should be fun to see these two sling it in the thin air of Mile High Stadium and also give the Packers' and Broncos' uneven defenses a chance to buckle down against a good opponent with January in sight.

8) Dallas Cowboys at Green Bay Packers, Week 14
The Cowboys will return to the scene of the properly-officiated-but-nonetheless-terrible crime where their playoff dreams ended on this "incomplete" pass last season.  With 2015-16 playoff implications likely at stake, Dallas will be scrapping for justice and a leg up on what has consistently been one of the best teams in the NFC.  That's no small task against the Packers at Lambeau Field so be on the look out for the Cowboys' rebuilt defensive front to get in Aaron Rodgers' Kool-Aid before he makes a fool of that questionable secondary.

9) Arizona Cardinals at Philadelphia Eagles, Week 15
And now, time for a late-season Gut Check Bowl between two teams that I can't tell are for real or not right now.  If the Cardinals and Eagles are every bit as good as they were last season, this matchup could be spectacular - intriguing coaching minds, lots of explosive playmakers in all phases of the game and playoff seeding at play.  If not, well, replace this one with Brady-Manning 17.0 and we'll call it a wash.

10) Pittsburgh Steelers at Baltimore Ravens, Week 16
I'm definitely a fan of the NFL's move to load the final couple weeks of the regular season with divisional games a few years ago.  There's lots of potential appointment television to be had in Weeks 16 - 17 this year depending on where the favorites and dark horses land, but one rivalry you can always count on is the Steelers and Ravens.  Barring major injuries, Pittsburgh will be at full strength after some early-season suspensions with tremendous offensive firepower.  Baltimore ought to have a better counter-punch in its secondary than it did a year ago and a very good offensive line to keep the Steelers in the trenches.  Over-under on punches thrown in an inevitably tight game with a division title on the line?  I'll spot you three.

Lady Blitz Playoff Predictions

And finally, the playoff predictions I will obsess over and recalibrate multiple times over the next four months.  But since you're asking:


AFC Playoffs

Seeding
1. (bye) Indianapolis Colts
Given a cakewalk schedule and Andrew Luck's continued progression with a better surrounding cast, the Colts look primed for a bye week this time around.

2. (bye) New England Patriots
No Brady suspension + more controversy than you can shake a stick at = the Patriots' unbridled wrath this season.

3. Denver Broncos
This all comes down to whether or not Manning has another full healthy season in him.  He's proven me wrong on that front for years, so I've got the Broncos picking up roughly where they left off last season.

4. Pittsburgh Steelers
The Steelers have more of an uphill battle with Markice Pouncey injured and Martavis Bryant out, but they'll be hard to beat in the crowded AFC North when that offense is back at full speed.

5. Baltimore Ravens
It didn't take the Ravens long to reload after their last Super Bowl appearance - they were one mistake away from making another AFC Championship last year, so don't count them out this time either.

6. San Diego Chargers
Chargers or Chiefs?  Chiefs or Chargers?  It could be neck-and-neck between those two for the final wild card spot, but I like San Diego's fire power and schedule giving them the edge.

Wild Card Round
Chargers over Broncos, Ravens over Steelers

Divisional Round
Colts over Chargers, Ravens over Patriots

AFC Championship
Colts over Ravens - The Colts have inched a little closer to the Super Bowl every season since Chuck Pagano took over.  And provided they aren't playing the Patriots, they've got a great shot this year against a quarterback that can turn from Good Flacco to Bad Flacco in the blink of an eye.

NFC Playoffs

Seeding
1. (bye) Green Bay Packers
There are a lot more questions in the NFC than there've been for a few years, but Aaron Rodgers isn't one of them.

2. (bye) Seattle Seahawks
That Week 2 rumble between the Packers and Seahawks could be the difference maker in who hosts whom next January. With Green Bay gunning for revenge, I give them a little edge over Seattle.

3. Dallas Cowboys
It's possible that last season was a fluke for Dallas now that DeMarco Murray is gone, but you won't find a stronger, deeper offensive line in the NFL.  These Cowboys are built to last.

4. Atlanta Falcons
With a defensively-minded coach and new talent in the pass rush, Atlanta shores up its biggest weakness from a year ago and seizes an awful division with ease.

5. Philadelphia Eagles
Alright, alright - I'm biting on how good the Eagles' scoring machine looked in the preseason despite dumping every offensive star you've ever known.  Bonus points for dumping Tebow too.

6. Minnesota Vikings
It's hard not to like this Vikings team, which will be firing on all cylinders with Adrian Peterson returning and a promising young roster with balance. That should give them some edge over the Suh-less Lions.

Wild Card Round
Cowboys over Vikings, Eagles over Falcons

Divisional Round
Packers over Eagles, Cowboys over Seahawks

NFC Championship
Packers over Cowboys - You better believe Dez Bryant will be completing the process of the catch if these two teams get a chance to rehash it next January.  But with Murray gone to Philadelphia, Eddie Lacy becomes the difference maker in helping the Packers muscle their way back to the Super Bowl for the first time in five years.

The 2016 Super Bowl
Packers over Colts - The winners of Super Bowl I take Super Bowl 50 too?  It's almost certainly too perfect to work out that way, but who wouldn't want to see two spectacular quarterbacks go head-to-head in a town where they both have strong ties?  In any case, it seems like a cosmic crime that Aaron Rodgers has yet to make a second appearance in the big dance, so I will try to will it so once again.

2015 Win-Loss Predictions for the NFC West

For your amusement after no less than 3 simulations of 256 regular season games because I am that awesome with my free time, here are my 2015 win-loss predictions for every NFL team.  Our divisional preview concludes with the NFC West where some of the mighty will fall while the meek will try to inherit the Earth... or at least second place in the division.  The stout defenses of the West will have their work cut out for them with the high-flying offenses of the NFC North and the perennial contenders of the AFC North.

Arizona Cardinals

Best Case Scenario: With Carson Palmer back at full strength, the Cardinals go on another big win streak to start the season against some pretty manageable opponents.  Arizona's balanced roster gives them the edge over the lesser Rams and 49ers, and Bruce Arians takes this squad to their second consecutive playoff appearance with more health on their side.

Worst Case Scenario: Despite Arians' best coaching efforts, the Red Birds' offense stalls with a weak line and aging quarterback who continues to get hit far too often to survive sixteen games.  Palmer hangs up his cleats for good after another big-time injury, and the Cardinals go back to QB purgatory with Logan Thomas, Ryan Lindley, et al.

Bellwether Match Up: Believe it or not, these Cardinals were leading the division well into November last year.  If Arizona can catch a break from the injury gods this season, they might well be vying for a division title when they host the Seahawks in Week 17.

Prediction: Every time I count Bruce Arians' team out, he surprises me. But I also feel like the Cardinals got away with a crazy-improbable 11-win season last year that will require the pendulum to swing back around this time.  I see another frustrating year for Carson Palmer and a 7 - 9 slump.

San Francisco 49ers

Best Case Scenario: Hoo boy. As disappointed as 49ers fans had to be by last season's 8 - 8 whiff, they would probably dance in the streets to have that same record with Jim Tomsula under the headset this year.  If San Francisco has any chance at being respectable in 2015, it will be because Colin Kaepernick and a largely new offensive supporting cast do more than their fair share to put points on the board no matter how bad this defense gets without Patrick Willis, Justin Smith and Chris Borland.  It still probably won't be enough for 8 - 8 though.

Worst Case Scenario: With no Jim Harbaugh, no Frank Gore and virtually no defensive stars returning, the 49ers get sucked into a black hole of incompetence with no relief in sight.  This once-vaunted ground-and-pound franchise becomes a shell of its former self, and even the most diehard fans refuse to make the drive to Santa Clara for years to come.  In other words, the Niners are the latest victims of a particularly nasty breed of the Super Bowl hosting curse.

Bellwether Match Up: By all accounts, the 49ers appear to be on their way down, so how will they do against a team that looks to be on its way up? Inquiring minds could find out in Week 1 when the Niners host the Vikings.  This season opener could say a lot about what kind of fight San Francisco has after a brutal offseason.

Prediction: It's hard not to see that worst case scenario above the way the 49ers have hemorrhaged players and coaching personnel this year.  I've got this team sliding hard to 4 - 12 and having a whole lot more big questions to answer after they sweep up someone else's confetti at Levi's Stadium in February.

Seattle Seahawks

Best Case Scenario: If there's a team that's built to win 14 to 16 games this season, it'd be the Seahawks who are returning all of their Pro Bowlers on offense and defense while somehow adding Jimmy Graham to the mix.  Now that Graham gives Russell Wilson the kind of endzone target Seattle could only dream of last February, this team becomes the first in the NFL since the Bills to make three straight Super Bowl trips.

Worst Case Scenario: While it's hard to imagine the Seahawks' offense being anything but better than it was a year ago, there could be some cracks around the edges for the Legion of Boom.  Veteran cornerback Byron Maxwell left for a hefty deal in Philadelphia, Kam Chancellor has held out for a new deal through OTAs and the preseason, and word on the street is that Earl Thomas' recovery from a torn labrum has been dicier than once thought.  There's a real chance that Seattle's defense will struggle more than it ever has since Pete Carroll came to town, at least for the first part of the season. The 'Hawks are still in prime playoff position, but they could get knocked back in the seeding if they flounder early on.

Bellwether Match Up: Seattle really got away with something against the snakebit Packers back in January.  With both teams dealing with potentially major injuries on opposite sides of the ball, their Week 2 bout could be another instant classic and an early indicator of who will come out on top in the NFC.

Prediction: There's just no sense in betting against the Seahawks. With growing talent and experience all around this roster, I see Seattle nabbing another 12 - 4 record and all the momentum going into the playoffs.

St. Louis Rams

Best Case Scenario: The Rams' defense is a holy terror, pummeling opposing teams with an elite pass rush and holding them to less than two touchdowns a game.  Nick Foles is a much steadier, more reliable upgrade to Sam Bradford at QB thanks in large part to the stable of top running backs St. Louis has drafted over the years.  St. Louis seizes second place in the NFC West and makes the playoffs for the first time in over a decade just as the Chargers and Raiders announce they are headed to L.A.

Worst Case Scenario: Latest rookie savior at running back Todd Gurley fizzles out like so many before him behind a mediocre offensive line.  Nick Foles takes a serious step back with a receiving corps that pales in comparison to the one he made his mark with in Philadelphia.  And as good as the Rams' pass rush is, it still cannot atone for a third-tier secondary.  The Rams run in place for another year while owner Stan Kroenke buys up more real estate elsewhere to up St. Louis' ransom.

Bellwether Match Up: Who could forget the Rams' wild upset over the Seahawks last season?  St. Louis had to pull just about every trick in the book to make it happen, so we'll need to see whether this team is confident enough to play it straight against their divisional bullies in Week 1.

Prediction: Mercy, have you looked at the Rams' schedule this season?  It includes a whopping nine games against teams that made the playoffs last year, five of which are on the road.  I think it's too much for the Rams to make a real splash in the NFC, but this team is fully capable of a few crazy upsets and a passionate 7 - 9 attempt at competency.


This concludes the 2015 Lady Blitz win-loss predictions preview.  With one week until kickoff, be on the lookout here in the coming days for playoff predictions, the 10 best games on the schedule, and of course, my Week 1 picks!

More Ill-Fated Win-Loss Predictions!

• AFC North Edition
• AFC South Edition
• AFC East Edition 
• AFC West Edition
• NFC North Edition
• NFC South Edition
• NFC East Edition