Buffalo Bills
Love: Rex Ryan + A Nasty Defense
There’s something about those Ryan brothers - they have both been rehired at lightning speed after very inconsistent coaching campaigns in the past few years. I for one am delighted that we won’t get a year off from Rex Ryan though, especially now that he gets to helm one of the premiere defenses in the NFL. As the 2014 Bills proved to doubters like me, you don’t have to have a top 10 offense to earn a winning record if your defense can punish the likes of Aaron Rodgers and Tom Brady without remorse. Expect more of the same with a newly energized defensive guru coming to town, retouched tattoo and all. Between the team that was suddenly shunned by former coach Doug Marrone and the coach who finally let the hot seat catch up with him in NYC, it's Rex Ryan's Buffalo against the world in 2015. Should be fun!
Hate: The NeverEnding Quarterback Question
If having a Pro Bowl-caliber defense makes Rex Ryan feel right at home in Buffalo, unfortunately so should his paper-thin prospects at quarterback after years of pain and strife with the likes of Mark Sanchez, Tim Tebow and Geno Smith in the Meadowlands. The Bills have certainly tried to reload their offense with LeSean McCoy, Percy Harvin and Charles Clay, but it's hard to imagine them having they same kind of play-making impact they are used to here. Opposing defenses just aren't going to sell out on the arms of Matt Cassel, E.J. Manuel or whoever else Buffalo picks off of the scrapheap by Week 5. As they often do, the Bills won too much in 2014 to draft a top QB prospect in May but not enough to make the playoffs. Let's not even get into how abysmal free agency was for teams needing passers this year. All told, Buffalo is facing another year of QB purgatory that will surely lead to heart-breaking losses this defense doesn’t deserve.
Miami Dolphins
Love: An Offense on the BrinkIn 2014, Ryan Tannehill had his best statistical season to date, Jarvis Landry emerged like a true #1 receiver, and Lamar Miller gained traction in his running game. Too bad none of that translated into the kind of breakthrough season Dolphins fans have been waiting for since the Laces Out era, but they sure look like they are right around the corner. Now Miami has added Saints exile WR Kenny Stills, TE Jordan Cameron and first-rounder DeVante Parker to the mix, and the chips are all in on Tannehill and OC Bill Lazor to use every bit of firepower at their disposal. As with the NASCAR races that [some] Floridians love so dearly, this burgeoning squad will either be a fast and furious contender or a fireball-grade car crash. From my vantage point, it’s as good a year as any for this team’s breakout. Otherwise, expect lots of shakeups next February.
Hate: The Marshmallow Test Fail
Ndamukong Suh was widely regarded as the biggest free agent of 2015, and he certainly won with Miami. The Dolphins managed to land Suh the old-fashioned way - with a giant pile of money no other team was willing and able to match. There is upside for Miami after getting desperately thin in its front seven last season and dropping off badly against the run. But Suh’s contract is awful top-heavy - the largest in history for a defensive player, in fact - so the Dolphins stand to live or die by how much this personal foul connoisseur improves his entire unit next year. Science tells us (a la the Marshmallow Test) that good things come to those who wait, and it ain’t much different for NFL teams during free agency. Although Miami now has one of the very best defensive linemen in the game because of some aggressive early maneuvering, Suh came at a hefty price, twice that of any of the next-best talents who also entered free agency. The risk is that the Dolphins now have limited ability to patch up the many holes they have on defense elsewhere for a long time, making it difficult for Suh to have the same impact he had last year with a very well-rounded Lions squad. If the risk outweighs the reward, Miami will wish it had counted to one hundred before signing that contract back in March.
Ndamukong Suh was widely regarded as the biggest free agent of 2015, and he certainly won with Miami. The Dolphins managed to land Suh the old-fashioned way - with a giant pile of money no other team was willing and able to match. There is upside for Miami after getting desperately thin in its front seven last season and dropping off badly against the run. But Suh’s contract is awful top-heavy - the largest in history for a defensive player, in fact - so the Dolphins stand to live or die by how much this personal foul connoisseur improves his entire unit next year. Science tells us (a la the Marshmallow Test) that good things come to those who wait, and it ain’t much different for NFL teams during free agency. Although Miami now has one of the very best defensive linemen in the game because of some aggressive early maneuvering, Suh came at a hefty price, twice that of any of the next-best talents who also entered free agency. The risk is that the Dolphins now have limited ability to patch up the many holes they have on defense elsewhere for a long time, making it difficult for Suh to have the same impact he had last year with a very well-rounded Lions squad. If the risk outweighs the reward, Miami will wish it had counted to one hundred before signing that contract back in March.
New England Patriots
Love: Endless DominationThe Patriots win a whole lot. A whole lot more than just about any franchise in recent history. And no matter how you feel about them, their fourth Super Bowl win this past February was perhaps their most impressive to date. If you like all of that, then this is the half-paragraph for you! If you don’t...
Hate: Endless Scandals and Asterisks
Here we go again. Just when you thought the Patriots could not be any more hateable than they already were, the Ballghazi Deflategate to end all -gates broke out in an apocalyptic fury just before the Super Bowl and the world has never been the same. There’s hatred to go around on so many levels here. First, there’s the high likelihood that the Patriots are lying and still trying to deny it as though they don’t look like total jackasses for doing so. While their gloryboy quarterback won’t even turn over his cell phone records to clear his own name, the Pats had no problem putting together a 20,000 word rebuttal to the Wells Report about how much there’s nothing to see here. In terms of substance, this rebuttal that suggests the term "Deflator" is just new slang for Jenny Craig! Tom Brady's shifty-eyed press conference didn't help matters either, nor did the Patriots' decision to suspend the guys on the bottom rungs of the totem pole to stay in Roger "Ginger Hammer" Goodell's good graces. Regardless of whether or not deflating footballs made any tangible difference in the win-loss record, the Patriots' actions and non-actions during this whole ordeal are fishier than a clambake. Second, we’ve had to suffer through endless media coverage over the most inane details and counterattacks about squishy footballs between Goodell and his new frenemy Robert Kraft whether we want to or not. Really. Front-page news for months about these ridiculous minutiae that has managed to eclipse stories on ISIS, domestic water shortages and police brutality. Over an amount of air that you wouldn’t survive an hour on. To quote one Mr. Samuel L. Jackson, hang on to your butts because we're going to get another whiff of this dead horse whenever Goodell rules on the appeal of his own ruling. Third, this scandal has only served to galvanize a fanbase that was already insufferable for arguing that Spygate wasn’t a real thing and pretending like Tom Brady is actually likeable. Now that Goodell is at peak levels of mismanagement in handling the Ballghazi investigation and subsequent punishment, Pats fans have reloaded with righteous indignation so they can keep on rationalizing to us that they are horribly mistreated and that we just hate them just because they're winning. Oh we may resent you for winning a lot, Pats fans, but we really, really hate your overbearing sense of entitlement and faux-victimhood too. Just shut up and take the rings already. (Also, remember I already said nice things about you. Thanks for reading!)
Here we go again. Just when you thought the Patriots could not be any more hateable than they already were, the Ballghazi Deflategate to end all -gates broke out in an apocalyptic fury just before the Super Bowl and the world has never been the same. There’s hatred to go around on so many levels here. First, there’s the high likelihood that the Patriots are lying and still trying to deny it as though they don’t look like total jackasses for doing so. While their gloryboy quarterback won’t even turn over his cell phone records to clear his own name, the Pats had no problem putting together a 20,000 word rebuttal to the Wells Report about how much there’s nothing to see here. In terms of substance, this rebuttal that suggests the term "Deflator" is just new slang for Jenny Craig! Tom Brady's shifty-eyed press conference didn't help matters either, nor did the Patriots' decision to suspend the guys on the bottom rungs of the totem pole to stay in Roger "Ginger Hammer" Goodell's good graces. Regardless of whether or not deflating footballs made any tangible difference in the win-loss record, the Patriots' actions and non-actions during this whole ordeal are fishier than a clambake. Second, we’ve had to suffer through endless media coverage over the most inane details and counterattacks about squishy footballs between Goodell and his new frenemy Robert Kraft whether we want to or not. Really. Front-page news for months about these ridiculous minutiae that has managed to eclipse stories on ISIS, domestic water shortages and police brutality. Over an amount of air that you wouldn’t survive an hour on. To quote one Mr. Samuel L. Jackson, hang on to your butts because we're going to get another whiff of this dead horse whenever Goodell rules on the appeal of his own ruling. Third, this scandal has only served to galvanize a fanbase that was already insufferable for arguing that Spygate wasn’t a real thing and pretending like Tom Brady is actually likeable. Now that Goodell is at peak levels of mismanagement in handling the Ballghazi investigation and subsequent punishment, Pats fans have reloaded with righteous indignation so they can keep on rationalizing to us that they are horribly mistreated and that we just hate them just because they're winning. Oh we may resent you for winning a lot, Pats fans, but we really, really hate your overbearing sense of entitlement and faux-victimhood too. Just shut up and take the rings already. (Also, remember I already said nice things about you. Thanks for reading!)
New York Jets
Love: Todd Bowles, Miracle WorkerThis will be an intriguing year for both the Jets and Cardinals after Todd Bowles left his assistant gig in Arizona to try his hand at head coaching in the Meadowlands. Bowles’ defensive work with the Cards was nothing short of spectacular. No matter the injuries, roster moves or level of incompetence on the other side of the ball, his squad consistently maintained top tier performance, at least until Arizona was down to third- and fourth-string quarterbacks. Now we will see what Bowles can do with a very solid Jets front seven and if it will be enough to mask some of Gang Green’s significant challenges on offense. It may not be pretty, but it could be just the shot in the arm for a Jets team trying to become relevant again. You may want to skip their criminally low-scoring slugfests with the Bills this season though.
Should Todd Bowles turn out to be more of a good Samaritan than a miracle worker, the Jets will still be pretty painful to watch in all likelihood. This team's ceiling may be a poor man's 2000 Ravens defense--which would be awesome!--but the floor is somewhere around the Eighth Circle: a collection of spare parts and skill players who used to fit firmly in better systems with better players surrounding them. Look no further than Eric Decker, Stevan Ridley and now-Buffalo-bound Percy Harvin. Stay far, far away from this four letter word when it's time to draft your fantasy team. Don't say I didn't warn you! Beware the Ides of Jets.
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