Dallas Cowboys
Love - An O-Line for the AgesIt's understandable for Cowboys fans to be anxious about what happens now that DeMarco Murray has left for Philadelphia of all places. Murray's 2014 season was nothing short of extraordinary, and his big production in nearly every game was critical to Dallas’ 12-4 season and eventual playoff run. But it was all only made possible by one of the best offensive lines we’ve seen in years. Three of the Cowboys' starting five linemen got both Pro Bowl and All-Pro team honors in 2015 and even generated MVP buzz, which is virtually unheard of for such a central but invisible position in the NFL. All of it was well-deserved. Behind this wall of blue-chip dominance, both Murray and Tony Romo posted their best individual seasons to date while managing to stay mostly healthy and helping Dallas' offense finally reach its full potential after many seasons of great but largely unmet expectations. For all of the flak old crazy person Jerry Jones deserves as a GM, building this O-line should be remembered as one of his front office's greatest accomplishments, a surprisingly smart and measured way to get the most out of the skill players in the spotlight. I have a feeling the Cowboys running game will be just fine this season as long this group stays intact.
Okay, that was enough nice stuff about Jerry Jones. After all, legend has it that if he'd had his way last season, I'd probably be spending this paragraph abusing Cowboys backup QB Johnny Manziel. And boy how Johnny Rehab would have fit in with Dallas' growing cast of dysfunctional characters that this team seems to have no moral qualms about whatsoever. First, there's alleged headcase Randy Gregory whose first-round talent wasn't enough to overcome a number of off-the-field concerns for every team... except for Dallas! Then there's Greg Hardy, whom the Cowboys were quick to snatch up on the cheap after he was released by the Panthers and found guilty in a very disturbing case of domestic violence. Nevermind that Hardy will likely be suspended for his first four games - he's Big D material through and through, worth the risk and the public disgust! Then there's Jerry Jones' very overt interest in Adrian Peterson who recently plead guilty to assault charges against his child. In the end, AP's current contract terms with Minnesota made a trade prohibitively expensive for the Cowboys, but as has been made apparent in the other acquisitions above, your personal track record is no object as long as the money's there. Surprising for an NFL franchise to prioritize athletic talent at any cost, I know, but Dallas has made itself impossible to cheer for without turning a blind eye to everything else that is wrong with this picture.
New York Giants
Love - ODB All DayHere’s to hoping the Madden Curse doesn’t rear its ugly head this season after Odell Beckham Jr. had one of the most electrifying rookie receiver campaigns I’ve seen in my lifetime. Despite sitting out the first month of the season with a hamstring injury and playing #2 receiver to Victor Cruz until Week 7, Beckham had a blistering 1,300 yard,12 touchdown campaign that included The Catch everyone will talk about for years to come. The man is a walking highlight reel who can do it all - make field goals, throw heat on the pitcher's mound, do rainbow kicks - and that's just in his leisure time. ODB may be the most interesting football man in the world, and I want to watch every second of it. As Megatron is to Matt Stafford, Odell Beckham makes Eli Manning and the Giants offense look not just competent but fun again. So watch out if Cruz returns to his old form - New York might rekindle that old dark horse potential it seems to have every leap year or so.
Hate - Forever Beholden to Eli Manning & Tom Coughlin
Dark horse status or no, the Giants have stumbled backwards into two very improbable Super Bowl wins in the past decade. Clearly someone in Manhattan sold their soul to make this happen. And so in return, Giants fans have had to suffer year after year through mind-numbing lost seasons from the likes of Eli Manning and Tom Coughlin who somehow made those Lombardi trophies possible despite looking mediocre to bad at just about every other turn. GM Jerry Reese can’t (or won’t) get rid of them because you never know when another improbable chip-in-a-chair playoff run will spring up without any forewarning, but it sure is a drag the four out of five times the Giants are exactly who we thought they’d be. Between Coughlin's rat-faced grimace at every blown opportunity and Manning's face-palming penchant for interceptions, there has been so much endless suffering in New York for such fleeting moments of glory. Someone ought to write a Russian novel about it.
Philadelphia Eagles
Love - Watching the Mad Man at WorkEven schizophrenics have a point once in a while - see John Nash. Chip Kelly's unorthodox coaching style has been under scrutiny ever since he transitioned from the college game to the pros, but so far the results have spoken for themselves - two 10-win seasons, a division title and a playoff appearance. Heck, even Mark Sanchez technically had a winning record under his tutelage last year after Nick Foles was lost for the season. Yet as he enters his third year with the Eagles, Kelly will face his biggest test yet as a coach and de facto GM after dramatically overhauling his roster in ways that have seemed excessive and counterintuitive at times. As I wrote a few months back, the perception at this point seems to be that Kelly was willing to let go of all three of his most prominent skill players - LeSean McCoy, Jeremy Maclin and Nick Foles - as part of a failed larger plan to move up and draft Marcus Mariota in May. The sheer number of offseason moves has been staggering and probably didn't result in what the Eagles wanted, and yet, I'm quite curious to see if Kelly can still make all of this work the way he has in Philadelphia and at Oregon before that. I have a feeling he already has a new method to his madness, so I'm willing to step into the lab to see if this next experiment results in another eureka or a catastrophic explosion.
Hate - Is This QB Roster Real Life?
Let's be real though - at the end of all of Chip Kelly's fiendish maneuvering, this quarterback roster looks dead on arrival. In one of the more bizarre moves of the 2015 offseason, the Eagles traded Nick Foles for Rams QB Sam Bradford and then somehow also wound up with Tim Tebow along the way after we all agreed we were done - DONE! - with Tebow two years ago. What Philadelphia has lost with Nick Foles is a quarterback who went 14 - 4 as a starter these past two seasons but who also struggled to stay healthy at times. That doesn't matter of course because what the Eagles are getting in return is one of the most injury-prone quarterbacks in the NFL, a guy who has missed a full 40% of games that have occurred since he was drafted in 2010 and who has already torn his ACL twice. Twice. Lest we forget that Sam Bradford has never had a quarterback rating higher than 52 (out of 100) and has never averaged 7 yards per attempt. In fact, Bradford's best passing yards average to date would have ranked him 30th among all quarterbacks last season. And he's the Eagles best option right now! When you put all of the Eagles' current passing veterans together - Tim Tebow, Mark Sanchez and Sam Bradford - they actually have three of the five lowest QB ratings of any quarterback in the NFL since 2010. Well done, Chip Kelly, and by that I mean if your quarterback roster was once a mid-priced steak, it would be far too well done for human consumption.
Washington Redskinks
Love - Observing the Gruden-Snyder Dumpster FireBut JLotz, you say, this doesn't sound like something to love about the Washington Redskinks. If you actually like this team, I can't say there will be a ton to jump for joy about for a garbage heap that keeps refilling itself. Also, what's wrong with you?! But if you don't actually like the Redskinks and are looking for a steady flow of inconsequential gossip in a big media market, expect the antagonistic sparks to keep flying between corporate devil incarnate Dan Snyder and whipping-boy-come-lately Jay Gruden. Given that Snyder has fought tooth and nail to be the worst owner in the NFL and Gruden has quickly learned he's just the next powerless pawn to carry out Snyder's every whim, this should be another fun season of terrible decision-making anchored by Gruden's sunken eyes and audible sighs on the sideline. For any bookies out there reading this, you should set an over/under on how many times Robert Griffin starts and gets benched before those glass legs give again. Consider also how many weeks it will take Jay Gruden to run through a brick wall at FedEx Field to escape this ninth circle of an NFL franchise. Should be fun for the rest of us!
Hate - Being the Gruden-Snyder Dumpster Fire
The Redskinks are a gift that keeps on giving for all of us on the outside, but if you do like this team (again, what's wrong with you?!), you've probably lived in agony for the past two decades and there looks to be no relief this year either. You will always have the fond memories of Dan Snyder's past acts of extortion and buffoonery in this City Paper article to reminisce about. And now you'll get to add a few more gems from this past year like Dan Snyder bribing real Native Americans and propping up fake ones to protect a team name that is indefensible in 2015 and also no longer under copyright. Or the Redskinks removing seats from this stadium for the third year in a row due to abominably low attendance so that they can keep inflating ticket prices. When you look at the body of evidence, there may not be a person on earth who hates Redskinks fans more than Dan Snyder himself, and he'll take all of you down with him if he has to in order to make a couple more dollars. You really should consider a B Team, just sayin'.
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