Week 16 Picks for Every NFL Game

Can this season possibly get any more bonkers?  The only sure thing at this point seems to be the Seahawks, but even they had a subpar game against the 49ers a couple weeks ago.  It hasn't exactly been a banner season for these Lady Blitz picks, but then again, at least that's true for most everyone else.  I blame society for my Week 16 picks, unless they're amazing.  In that case, I totally knew it all along:

Top Shelf Games: Talent-rich, highly competitive and aged in oak barrels... spiritually speaking

New England Patriots at Baltimore Ravens (-2.5) - This sure looked like a snoozer a month ago, but with the Patriots slipping in the AFC standings and the Ravens catching some of that late-season magic that brought them a Lombardi a year ago, the meaning of this Lady Blitz Game of the Week rivalry is renewed.  Nothing would surprise me in this one after several close ones over the years, but the Ravens are a different animal when they're at home.  Assuming Joe Flacco's knee holds up, Baltimore will close out the home record at 7 - 1.

New Orleans Saints at Carolina Panthers (-3) - Maybe all of the heads rolling on the Saints roster will wake them up for a hugely important road game and the chance to clinch the #2 seed in the NFC.  But more likely, the Panthers will have their revenge now that they control their destiny in the playoffs.  The silver lining?  A win for Carolina just means a lower draft order and a tougher schedule next year after they lose to the Seahawks in the playoffs.

Chicago Bears at Philadelphia Eagles (-3) - The Bears and Eagles are clinging to the top of their divisions this week, which ought to make for a fun and desperate shootout on Sunday night.  Jay Cutler saved himself a little controversy with a win last week, but Nick Foles won that battle months ago with one of the best QB seasons for a guy not named Peyton.  The Eagles have the edge with a less mistake-prone quarterback and utter destruction on the ground a la LeSean McCoy.

Arizona Cardinals at Seattle Seahawks (-10.5) - This game shouldn't be so high up on the totem pole, but the Cardinals are playing a whole lot better than you might realize.  If they have a shot against Seattle, it'll be because of a ferocious defense that can keep the pressure coming against the ever-calm and collected Russell Wilson. But then, there's the Seahawks.

Well Drink Games: They may surprise you from time to time without all the high expectations

Miami Dolphins (-2.5) at Buffalo Bills - The Dolphins will likely need to win out to have a shot at the playoffs.  Luckily, they get to play the Bills and Jets and then maybe slip something in Terrell Suggs' Kool-Aid.

Indianapolis Colts at Kansas City Chiefs (-7) - The Colts have cooled a bit since an impressive stretch of wins in the middle of the season.  Injuries have certainly be a factor, but they're having a hard time hanging against the better defenses in the league.  The Chiefs have one of those.

Dallas Cowboys (-3) at Washington Redskins - Boy, am I tempted to pick the Washington Football Club after a couple of weeks of defensive collapses in Dallas.  After all, the Cowboys have had some of their worst performances to date to the likes of backup QBs Matt Flynn and Josh McCown, and this week they face the steady and contract-hungry Kirk Cousins in Washington.  But I'm giving the Cowboys a break this week to keep with the tradition of a much more epic Week 17 elimination game collapse.

New York Giants at Detroit Lions (-9) - Detroit fans are used to disappointment, but last week's outing against the Ravens must have been pretty tough to swallow.  Luckily, if my prophecies are true, the Lions will still have the chance to reclaim the top spot in the NFC North with a Bears loss and a Detroit win.  I don't suspect the woeful New York Giants will be able to stand in their way.

Pittsburgh Steelers at Green Bay Packers (Off) - This is definitely a game-time decision of a pick with Aaron Rodgers still questionable at best.  But if things keep going the way they are, I actually like the Steelers.  They've improved too little too late to make the playoffs, but a cold day against second-stringer Matt Flynn matches up well with Pittsburgh's strengths.

House Punch Games: Most likely to be lop-sided, sloppy and/or otherwise painful to digest

Tampa Bay Buccaneers at St. Louis Rams (-5.5) - How about those Rams?  With a little help from the dreadful Redskins, they might solve another big problem on offense next season without having to tank the rest of 2013.  They'll need it in the NFC West with three 9+ win division mates.  Anyway, assuming both of these teams show up to play in a meaningless one, St. Louis looks mighty fine.

Cleveland Browns at New York Jets (-2) - Can't we just have a coin toss and call it a day on this one?  Nay, say the Josh Gordon fantasy owners of America.

Minnesota Vikings at Cincinnati Bengals (-7.5) - Fun fact: Matt Cassel started in three of the Vikings' four wins this year.  It's a weird glitch in the matrix that the Bengals ought to avenge on behalf of the Kansas City Chiefs this weekend.

Denver Broncos (-10.5) at Houston Texans - If you listen closely, you can hear Peyton Manning shattering just about every major passing record in the NFL on Sunday right around 2:38pm in Houston.  (P.S., Is there a pool on this?  Comment with your bid and I'll send you a hand-cut paper snowflake this weekend if you're right!  Let's go with the central time/date Manning surpasses Tom Brady's 50 passing TDs)

Tennessee Titans (-5.5) at Jacksonville Jaguars - The Jaguars could well win this one just as they did to break their year-long losing streak back in November.  But if the poor Titans are to reclaim some poetic justice after a series of heart-breaking losses, they are still the slightly better team.

Oakland Raiders at San Diego Chargers (-10) -You know, the Chargers would still be in position to claim a wild card spot had they not had a miserable outing against the Raiders that started around midnight EDT back in October.  They probably have no shot of squeezing into the playoffs now, but they'll have fun taking it out on that ne'er do well spoiler of a divisional foe.

Atlanta Falcons at San Francisco 49ers (-12) - Oh how ESPN executives must have salivated over this game when they put the schedule together so many months ago.  The Niners will have the blowout they deserve before they say goodbye to Candlestick Park; the Falcons will have a relatively high draft pick.


So How's My Pickin'?
Last Week's Record: 8 - 8
Season Record: 139 - 84 - 1