Week 1 Picks for Every NFL Game

Fact: there will be football happening every single Sunday for the next four months or nineteen weeks to be exact.  Without further adieu, here are my Week 1 picks (squee!) for the 2013 NFL season:

Top Shelf Games: Talent-rich, highly competitive and aged in oak barrels... spiritually speaking

Green Bay Packers at San Francisco 49ers (-4.5) - It's deja vu all over again with the Packers and 49ers earning the Lady Blitz Game of the Week pick in another Week 1.  The Kaepernick-Rodgers duel at quarterback should be fun, but all eyes are on that Green Bay defense stepping up after getting trounced at Candlestick last January.  I think it'll be a close one, or at least a closer one, than these teams had in the 2013 playoffs, but the 49ers still look like the better team at this point.

Baltimore Ravens at Denver Broncos (-7.5) - There's virtually no chance that this game will match the excitement of that Hail Mary double-OT thriller in the AFC divisional round.  We can still hope though, right?  Despite Vegas' clear siding with the Broncos, I'm on the fence with this one.  The Broncos have taken a hit on defense with Von Miller and Champ Bailey out, and Baltimore looked like it was in mid-season form in August.  Still, the house tends to win in Denver.  The Ravens will bounce back at home next week.

Atlanta Falcons at New Orleans Saints (-3) - I've been waiting ever since they announced this one in April for September 8th to come.  The Falcons-Saints rivalry has gotten more vicious with age, and what better litmus test for these two teams to seize control of the division early on than this rumble in the Superdome.  Although Atlanta still looks like the NFC South's alpha dog, I think Sean Payton's return to the sidelines will give the Saints--and Saints fans--a serious edge.

Cincinnati Bengals at Chicago Bears (-3) - We've got quite an offensive-defensive clash going on in Chicago, but these teams have switched sides in the blink of an eye.  The Bengals found a deep corps of pass rushers led by Geno Atkins last year, while the Bears have turned an offense-heavy about face in the offseason.  We know how Jay Cutler does under pressure, so I expect that Cincy front seven to give him fits all the way to victory.

New York Giants at Dallas Cowboys (-3.5) - This game is always a toss up with the Cowboys ruining the reigning champs' home opener last September only to be undone by Dez Bryant's fingernail later on in Arlington.  So I'm taking a shot in the dark that the Giants will fool us all in the early season into thinking they're contenders with an emphatic Week 1 victory here.

Philadelphia Eagles at Washington Redskins (-3) - Robert Griffin is back and the Eagles are all in on Chip Kelly's high-octane offensive attack.  We could have an excellent shoot out on our hands, but I'll also be paying attention to how 'Skins DC Jim Haslett prepares his squad--now with Brian Orakpo and Ryan Kerrigan back in tow--as guinea pigs for Philly's new offense.  Regardless, I expect Griffin to have a lights out return and for the Eagles to have a few growing pains with so much transition taking place.

Well Drink Games: They may surprise you from time to time without all the high expectations

Tennessee Titans at Pittsburgh Steelers (-7) - Is this matchup really worthy of Well Drink status?  Probably not, but it's been an interesting and understated rivalry for almost a decade so we'll give these two rebuilding teams the benefit of the doubt.  And when I say "these two," I really mean Pittsburgh will get the benefit of the doubt and probably dominate the floundering Titans.

Seattle Seahawks (-3.5) at Carolina Panthers - The Pete Carroll vs. Cam Newton Swagger Bowl is almost here!  The 2012 Seahawks ended up being what some thought the 2012 Panthers would be.  Now the 2013 Panthers are hoping to get halfway as decent as the 'Hawks with more experience, confidence and turning Luke Kuechly loose in the middle of the field.  Still, there is but one Kuechly with Carolina in comparison to one of the best secondaries in football that will disorient and terrorize Cam Newton in Week 1.

Minnesota Vikings at Detroit Lions (-5.5) - As the owner of a fantasy team with both Adrian Peterson and Calvin Johnson, I get to win this week either way as long as these two don't trip over one another's ACLs during the coin toss.  This game is a bit murky to me since the Vikings and Lions are a bit closer to one another's level than their wildly variant 2012 records would indicate.  On a whim that what goes up must come down, I like the Lions' front four shaking down AP and forcing Christian Ponder into some bad decisions.

Arizona Cardinals at St. Louis Rams (-4.5) - I so want the Cardinals to prove me right about how mediocre the Rams are going to be this year with their awesome defense.  The problem is, they've let a whole lot of that defense go in the offseason while St. Louis has been stockpiling receivers that together form the broad side of a barn for Sam Bradford.  The Rams put one more notch in Carson Palmer's reasons to retire on Sunday.

Houston Texans (-3.5) at San Diego Chargers - Weird fact: The Texans have never won a game against the San Diego Chargers.  Of course, a very sad stretch of that time was spent with David Carr and Sage Rosenfels eroding that fragile fanbase, but now Houston gets to prove itself better than an aging Philip Rivers and a brand new coaching staff.  Although this is technically a well drink game for these teams' power rankings, I'm probably not going to stay up on Monday night.

House Punch Games: Most likely to be lop-sided, sloppy and/or otherwise painful to digest

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-3) at New York Jets - Despite the Return to Revis island subplot, it's hard to get excited about these two struggling teams going head to head. Having Geno Smith start against the Bucs' Super Friends secondary makes this an automatic win for Tampa in spite of Josh Freeman.  And it's going to be just as ugly as Miley Cyrus twerking on an oil-soaked baby seal.

New England Patriots (-9) at Buffalo Bills - Speaking of ugly routs, the Patriots couldn't have asked for a more ideal ramp up after a turbulent offseason than with the Buffalo "QB Depth" Bills and EJ "It's just a flesh wound" Manuel.  Poor Bills. I know I'm just kicking sand in the face here, but this game might as well be on C-SPAN.

Kansas City Chiefs (-4) at Jacksonville Jaguars - I'm actually excited about [hopefully] seeing the Chiefs do well this year.  Lord knows the AFC could use some fresh blood after years of Patriots-Manning-Steelers-repeat.  This week, Alex Smith will show Blaine Gabbert how it's possible to go through a whole game without throwing mind-numbing picks for under 200 yards and still win.

Miami Dolphins at Cleveland Browns (-1) - How the speculatively mighty have fallen.  One minute the Dolphins are going to take Tom Brady and the whole AFC by storm.  Four preseason games later, a majority of people think they'll lose to the Cleveland Browns.  The Cleveland Browns.  I drank the Kool-Aid and projected Miami at--gulp--9 - 7 this year, so I'll suddenly be taking a chance on them here.

Oakland Raiders at Indianapolis Colts (-9.5) - I'm going to hold out one iota of hope that the Raiders might not be as bad as I'm expecting now that Terrelle Pryor is going to pull a Russell Wilson over Matt Flynn again as the last-minute starter.  Still, that one iota won't be outweighing the overwhelming chances that a more experienced Andrew Luck will carve up Oakland's defense in front of a home crowd for an early eastern time zone game.