NFL Week 2 Picks

It'll be hard for Week 2 in the NFL to top opening weekend where 11 of 16 games came down to one score and four of those came down to one point.  Nevertheless, here's my weekly crapshoot at the game of inches:

Top Shelf Games: Talent-rich, highly competitive and aged in oak barrels... spiritually speaking

Cincinnati Bengals at Pittsburgh Steelers (-3.5) - You might remember a little something about the Bengals-Steelers rivalry from that crazy wild card game in January.  Blood will boil and teeth will gnash when these two divisional teams reunite for our Lady Blitz Game of the Week.  You can't doubt the level of motivation Cincy will bring to this one after blowing that last playoff game in extraordinary fashion, but I'm not sure that will be enough to slow down Antonio Brown or the resurgent De'Angelo Williams this week.

Kansas City Chiefs at Houston Texans (-2.5) - Speaking of wild card rematches, I'm guessing Texans fans will want this one to go a little differently than that spectacularly bad shutout the Chiefs laid on them to end the previous season.  The good thing is that Brock Osweiler and Lamar Miller are fitting right in with Houston's rejuvenated offense.  And they're getting a Chiefs team that might be downright exhausted after mounting a huge 24-point second-half comeback last week.  But I can't shake that KC has had this team's number the last three times they've played, so I'm going to take a chance on the slight underdogs.

New Orleans Saints at New York Giants (-5) - The likelihood of the Saints and Giants repeating that 13-TD, 101-point track meet from a year ago are pretty dang low.  But these two offenses still have all the weapons to give us another Sunday afternoon thriller, and I'm down for the ride.  As much as I wish New Orleans wouldn't be doomed to another agonizing winless start to the season, I just don't see how this hobbled and struggling defense is going to slow down Odell Beckham and friends in the least.  With Delvin Breaux out indefinitely, they'll be starting three rookies in the secondary.  How's that for baptism by fire?

Well Drink Games: They may surprise you from time to time without all the high expectations5

Dallas Cowboys at Washington Redskinks (-3) - It's hard to suss out what to expect in this NFC East battle given the adjustments I expect these teams to make.  You'd think the Cowboys might take a few more shots downfield this time given that Dez Bryant had just one catch in Week 1.  But you'd also think the Redskinks might put their $50 million cornerback on said Bryant on every down after getting smacked around by Antonio Brown on Monday night.  When it's all said and done though, I think Washington is on more stable ground at this point than a Cowboys team still figuring a lot of things out.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Arizona Cardinals (-6.5) - Jameis Winston had no problem carving up the Falcons' defense last week, but facing off with a front seven like the Cardinals' is another story altogether.  I think this year's Bucs still have a chance based on how Winston has improved over the past several games of his pro career.  You might also argue that the Patriots showed the rest of the league a solid blueprint for how to keep Arizona's big-play offense in check.  But Arizona can generate turnovers with the best of 'em, and that has long been Winston's kryptonite.  Let's hope it comes to pass this week too.

Indianapolis Colts at Denver Broncos (-6) - Poor Andrew Luck.  You pull off another stunning go-ahead touchdown drive in the final two minutes, but you just can't play those 11 defensive positions too to preserve the win.  I suspect Luck will also despair this weekend that he can't play center, guard and tackle.

Atlanta Falcons at Oakland Raiders (-5) - The "Not Again"-o-meter just ticked another few points for the Falcons in the Dan Quinn era, so don't be surprised to see them treat this West Coast trip like a desperation game.  That could make Atlanta a little more unpredictable, but they've also got quite a few essential players on the questionable list including Julio Jones, Mohamed Sanu and Devonta Freeman.  That'll make it just that much harder to keep pace with a young Oakland offense with a lot of big playmakers.

Jacksonville Jaguars at San Diego Chargers (-3) - In this corner, we have two teams that seem destined to be better this season coming off of tough down-to-the-wire losses.  I have no idea what to think on this one, so subconsciously, this is an aspirational pick that the Jaguars will steal the show in San Diego and not totally blow it for a change.  Plus, Philip Rivers just isn't quite the same without Keenan Allen:(

Green Bay Packers (-2) at Minnesota Vikings - This divisional rivalry has certainly gotten more interesting since Mike Zimmer took on the headset for the Vikings.  And the Packers shouldn't sleep on that defense that single-handedly outscored the Titans last week.  But the Packers will still have Aaron Rodgers while the Vikings will be starting Sam Bradford.  Yeesh.

Philadelphia Eagles at Chicago Bears (-3) - Now we see if Carson Wentz can keep up the early-season buzz against a team that is not the Cleveland Browns!  He definitely looked better than Jay Cutler and da Bears did in Week 1, but the level of competition has shifted for both teams and so shall the win-loss balance in the NFL universe. Or something.

House Punch Games: Most likely to be lop-sided, sloppy and/or otherwise painful to digest

New York Jets (-1) at Buffalo Bills - Welp, it's been a while since we've had a 6 - 3 score, but these two ferocious and disgruntled AFC East defenses might give us one of those Thursdays to forget.  I reckon my money's on the Jets with a more reliable offense and the kind of defensive line Rex Ryan dreams of.

Tennessee Titans at Detroit Lions (-6) - Aw man, is this another one of those years where the Lions dominate an insanely easy regular seasons schedule only to lose in agonizing fashion in the playoffs?

Miami Dolphins at New England Patriots (-6.5) - Give the Dolphins credit - they nearly beat the Seahawks on one of the toughest fields in the NFL last week.  So there's a chance they could do the same in Foxboro behind a decent defensive line and solid receiving corps.  A very, very small chance.

Baltimore Ravens (-6.5) at Cleveland Browns - I was about to say "poor Cleveland," but this city just won one of the most improbable NBA championships of all time.  They can sit through another sad sack football season with Josh McCown and 52 other scrubs.

San Francisco 49ers at Carolina Panthers (-13.5) - If I had money to pay a fact-checker, I'd want to know whether another NFL team has ever been a 13-point underdog right after a 28 - 0 shutout victory.  Yep, the Rams really are that bad.  Even though the Panthers are coming off of a heart-breaking season opener, they should have zero problem giving the Carolina people what they love against Blaine Gabbert and friends.

Seattle Seahawks (-6.5) at Los Angeles Rams - Before you go putting hundreds of dollars on the Seahawks to beat the most hapless team by far on opening weekend, remember that the Rams are somehow 3 - 1 against Seattle over these past two seasons.  I'm guessing the Seahawks will be walking into this one with eyes wide open this time.

Lovely Lady Locks 

Based on my perfectly pedestrian 27 - 24 record last year, I think Kenny Rodgers would tell me to fold 'em in repeating this Lovely Lady Locks spread picks feature.  But I'm playing with Monopoly money, so I'm going to do it again!  Buyer beware.  For Week 2, my Lovely Lady Locks are:

• Giants -5 over Saints
• Packers -2 over Vikings
• 49ers +13.5 over Panthers

So How's My Pickin'?
Straight Up Record: 10 - 6
Against the Spread: 2 - 1