NFL Week 1 Awards and a Reason for Every Team to Be Optimistic This Season

Good day, dear Lady Blitz readers!  It's been an eventful Week 1 to say the least, so I've decided to bestow some awards (as I hope to do most weeks this season) that capture the good, the bad, the ugly, and the just plain weird stuff that happens when 22 men run into each other for 60 minutes every week.  And also because it's just a fun thing to do, I'm giving out reasons for every team to be optimistic this year.  Let's roll out the hardware!

The Sisyphus Award: Drew Brees and the Jets' Defensive Line (Tie)
Wouldn't you feel awesome if someone told you your quarterback would put up over 400 yards and four TDs with no picks on Sunday?  Or that your defense would sack the opposing quarterback seven times?  These are practically guarantees that your team will win, right?  But as often seems to be the case for the Saints and Jets, no good deed goes unpunished.  New Orleans' defense gave up just enough big plays to let the Raiders surmount an 11-point deficit in the fourth quarter.  New York was ultimately undone by one of Darrelle Revis' worst days of his career and a missed field goal and extra point that turned out to matter in this one-point loss.  They can keep pushing that rock, but we already know that a cruel fate awaits them most weeks.

Your Friendly Reminder of the NFL's Priorities Award: The Penalty Flag Allotment
Just so we're clear, spearing Cam Newton in the helmet over and over is totally fine, but Antonio Brown must be punished for one of the better Hingle McCringleberry impressions we've seen since Lance Moore was still on the scene. 

The What-Do-You-Think-of-Kaepernick Award: A Haiku
The First Amendment
(And Fourth and Fifth) are the things
Our founders fought for.

Reasons for Every Team to Be Optimistic This Year

The beauty of Week 1 is that every team and fan can delude themselves into high hopes for the season.  At best, you had a solid win or surprising upset.  At worst, you're a game away from 0.500 and have another 15 games to prove yourself worthy.  So here's my rapid fire take on why every team can be optimistic at this point:

Broncos - Trevor Siemian can manage his way to a lot of wins behind that defense.

Bears - Alshon Jeffery sure is playing like he wants to get paid.

Bengals - A.J. Green can carry this offense on his back with ease.

Bills - Buffalo was one blown coverage on Mike Wallace from making this a game - with no offense whatsoever.

Browns - There's only 15 more games between you and another top draft pick.

Buccaneers - Your quarterback just turned the corner in a big, scary way.

Cardinals - There are no signs of a David Johnson sophomore slump.

Chargers - Melvin Gordon already has more touchdowns in 2016 than he had all of last season.

Chiefs - You can put up 24 points in a half with Alex Smith.

Colts -You will always have a chance to win when Andrew Luck is manning the fourth quarter 2-minute drill.

Cowboys - Dak Prescott may not win you a ton of games, but he's good enough not to lose them.

Dolphins - Good news: you get to play the Browns in two weeks; Bad news: you have to go to Foxboro first.

Eagles - You're looking a whole lot smarter than the Rams and Browns in trading up for Carson Wentz.

Falcons - Matt Ryan didn't turn the ball over this week - get that man a plaque!

49ers - For a moment anyway, you can pretend the 49ers are a really good team rather than that the Rams are just that bad.

Giants - You finally beat the Cowboys in Week 1... barely.

Jaguars - That down-to-the-wire loss looked better than a lot of teams' wins this week.

Jets - Your pass rush is looking pretty, pretty good.

Lions - No Megatron, no problem... at least against the Colts' secondary.

Packers - You avoided getting embarrassed by the Jaguars this week!

Panthers - You only have to beat the rest of the NFC South to get to January.

Patriots - Good Lord, this team could probably start Mark Sanchez and a bunch of Pop Warner receivers and still manage to win.  #makeitstop

Rams - There is literally nowhere to go from here but up.

Raiders - A gutsy game-winning call goes a long way toward confidence, and confidence goes a long way toward winning more games.

Ravens - No one's worried that you did the wrong thing in letting Tyrod Taylor go anymore.

Redskinks - Perhaps if you let Josh Norman cover the other team's best receiver, your defense can get better.

Saints - Rumors of the demise of Drew Brees and the Saints' offensive line have been greatly exaggerated.

Seahawks - Russell Wilson's still getting miracle assists from Jesus in the fourth quarter, apparently.

Steelers - 435 yards of offense, and these guys don't even have Le'Veon Bell back yet.

Titans - At this rate, Mike Mularkey won't ruin Macrus Mariota's career for very long.

Texans - The rest of the AFC South is 0 - 1 - surprise, surprise!

Vikings - Who needs an offense when you've got this defense?