Week 9 Picks for Every NFL Game

Just like that we’re already over halfway done with the regular season – the one blip of the calendar year where all of the Big Four leagues are fighting for parking and TV market shares.  (PS, in case you missed it, here's my very belated and scant Week 8 recap) You might want to tune into some basketball this weekend because there isn’t a whole lot doing on the NFL schedule. Nevertheless, the show must go on, so while I contemplate riding a bike instead of watching anything else here but the Saints, here are my Week 9 picks:

Top Shelf Games: Talent-rich, highly competitive and aged in oak barrels... spiritually speaking

New Orleans Saints (-6) at New York Jets - Ah, the Ryan Bowl. It’s like the Harbaugh Bowl we experienced last February except about 300 pounds heavier and a whole lot more fun to go have a beer with. It’s slim pickings again with so many teams on a bye this week, but this could definitely make for a wild and lose Lady Blitz Game of the Week. I definitely won’t count the Jets out of this one with a resurgence of Rex Ryan’s defense, but brother Rob ought to be able to contain Geno Smith long enough for Drew Brees to get his mojo going.

Cincinnati Bengals (-3) at Miami Dolphins - Behind mystery door number two, a couple of very baffling AFC teams with all kinds of potential that still look uneven, especially on offense. This game may well come down to which QB comes through in the clutch since these defenses will make them earn every yard. It’s very tempting to pick Cincy in this one given the Bengals’ lights out performance last week, but I’ll give Ryan Tannehill a shot at home with a solid and underrated Dolphins defense.

San Diego Chargers (-1) at Washington Redskins - The Chargers’ challenging east coast schedule continues in DC this week, but so far, San Diego has weathered that part of the schedule pretty well. These two teams are still a stretch to make the playoffs but you can count on some excellent offensive fireworks between Philip Rivers and Robert Griffin to entertain us regardless. If RGIII continues to get closer to fine, the Redskins may have a chance, but that defense just can’t be trusted against Rivers & co.

Indianapolis Colts (-2.5) at Houston Texans - Now that the Texans are sticking to their guns for the time being with Case Keenum, this game just got a lot more interesting. Both rivals are returning from a bye week which means adjustments, rest and more focused players. If Houston wins this one, it’ll be because we don’t really know anything about Keenum, making it extremely difficult for the Colts to prepare. But this is the only defense that has shut Peyton Manning down so far this season, so I’m giving Indy the benefit of the doubt.

Well Drink Games: They may surprise you from time to time without all the high expectations

Tennessee Titans (-3) at St. Louis Rams -  It was painful to watch the Rams defense put on such a masterful performance last Monday and still come up short. To be expected when your starting QB goes down for the season, I suppose. That situation won’t change much if the Titans’ defense has anything to do with it, especially now that their replacement QB woes are over.

Kansas City Chiefs (-3.5) at Buffalo Bills - Oh to have the Kansas City Chiefs’ schedule. They had their rockiest victory last week against Browns backup QB Jason Campbell, but with a defense as stacked and healthy as this one, they ought to bounce back against the Bills who are in a similar situation this week. Enjoy it while you can, Kansas City. You get Peyton Manning twice in three weeks next.

Baltimore Ravens (-2.5) at Cleveland Browns - It’s a moment of truth for Baltimore this week. The team went sub-0.500 at the season’s midpoint for the first time in John Harbaugh’s tenure. Joe Flacco may have pulled off the best peak performance mega-contract in a generation if this offense continues to sputter, but coming off a bye against the Browns may be just the thing to redeem the Ravens.

Pittsburgh Steelers at New England Patriots (-6.5) - I’m not sure this game really belongs in the Well Drink section, but this used to be a pretty good conference rivalry, no? For all of the Steelers’ issues, you still have to admire the heart and ferocity Troy Polamalu brings to the team every Sunday with wonderfully timed snap count blitzes. He ought to be pretty motivated to shut Tom Brady down given No. 12’s uncharacteristic struggles this season, so I’m hoping for a close game. Nevertheless, always bet on the house at Gillette Stadium.

Chicago Bears at Green Bay Packers (-10.5) - I really would have been interested to see what this game could have been for the Bears after half a season with Marc Trestman if Jay Cutler were healthy. Instead, we’ve got a Bears non-starter on our hands in all likelihood. The Packers have operated a lot like the Patriots have this year, winning the games they should against lesser teams but not in a particularly impressive fashion. This will probably be another example of that.

House Punch Games: Most likely to be lop-sided, sloppy and/or otherwise painful to digest

Atlanta Falcons at Carolina Panthers (-7.5) - Once upon a month ago, I was planning to frame this game as a proof point for the Panthers’ turnaround. They are definitely starting to turn heads in the NFC, but they haven’t played any notable opponents yet. The Atlanta team we thought we were getting this year would have been a great litmus test for the surging Panthers, but after seeing the Falcons and Matt Ryan in particular have one of their worst games in a long time in Arizona last week, Atlanta is guilty until proven innocent.

Minnesota Vikings at Dallas Cowboys (-10) - This is kind of an intriguing game for House Punch. That Dallas defense has been as anti-clutch as poor Tony Romo, and he’s still the one getting all the blame. If Minnesota can diversify its offensive attack enough with high-percentage passes early, AP might be able to get back to the 100-yard grinds we’re used to. As much as I’d love to see the Vikings get back to their improbable 2012 form though, this one’s definitely Dallas’s to lose.

Philadelphia Eagles at Oakland Raiders (-2.5) - Who would’ve thought six months ago the Eagles would be jealous of the Raiders’ quarterback situation? The comparison between the raw talent of Terrelle Pryor and a young Michael Vick isn’t unfair, but the random fate of one’s hamstring is. Charles Woodson and Tracy Porter will have a field day with Matt Barkley if he starts another game – and comparing Barkley to Blaine Gabbert is completely fair.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Seattle Seahawks (-16) - Imagine if this game had happened around Week 2, before a Buccaneer mutiny set in and the team had high hopes for the season. That Tampa team might have been more optimistic about how rough the Seahawks’ offensive line looked on Monday night and gunning for an upset in a hostile environment. After 0 - 7 though, Darrelle Revis can play man coverage all he wants, the Bucs aren’t going to pull this one off.


So How's My Pickin'?
Last Week's Record: 11 - 2
Season Record: 78 - 42