Top Shelf Games: Talent-rich, highly competitive and aged in oak barrels... spiritually speaking
San Francisco 49ers at Green Bay Packers (-5)Consider this one the Lady Blitz Game o' the Week. No two teams have higher expectations going into the 2012 NFL season based on their accomplishments (and ultimate playoff shortcomings) last season. Defense may win championships... sometimes, but Aaron Rodgers will stomp the Niners at home with an unstoppable arm and beat the spread too.
Dallas Cowboys at New York Giants (-3.5)
Oh sure, people will play up this one like it'll be close and impassioned for the ratings, but I see no reason why the Giants won't win and easily cover the spread. Fun Fact: Reigning Super Bowl champs have gone 8 - 0 since the NFL started doing the whole Thursday [Wednesday] night kick-off extravaganza.
Pittsburgh Steelers at Denver Broncos (-1.5)
Call this Mile High opener the Grumpy Old Men Bowl. Does Peyton Manning and/or the AARP of NFL defenses still have it? Judging by the way the 49ers picked Peyton apart in the preseason (and I know it was the preseason...), I think the Steelers will be talented enough and plenty motivated to seize victory in Week 1 at the horse-faced behest of John Elway.
Cincinnati Bengals at Baltimore Ravens (-6)
I'm looking forward to a better divisional rivalry for the Bengals than the friggin' Browns. Let Week 1 be the start of a beautiful frenemy-ship between Baltimore and Cincy. Given the drainage of receiver options for Andy Dalton, I think Ray Lewis' Ravens will have no trouble containing the Bengals and meeting the spread.
Well Drink Games: They may surprise you from time to time without all the high expectations
Washington Redskins at New Orleans Saints (-7)
Talk about teams with something to prove this season, Week 1 in the Super Dome should be a chance to confirm or deny whatever you thought about these teams going into the preseason. I think experience and a chip on the Who Dat shoulder will see the Saints through, but it'll be closer than the gambling populace thinks.
Indianapolis Colts at Chicago Bears (-9.5)
Youth meets experience at Soldier Field this week. While the premise of Andrew Luck and his rag-tag team of toddlers surprising supervillian Jay Cutler the weather-worn Bears sounds like a great Hallmark movie, it ain't gonna happen. The Bears by a touchdown.
Atlanta Falcons (-3) at Kansas City Chiefs
This is a tough one since both of these teams are chasing after yet-unfulfilled playoff dreams in recent years. I think the Chiefs will find a way to rekindle that mojo they found against the Packers last year and frustrate the Falcons offense beyond what they can handle in Week 1.
New England Patriots (-5.5) at Tennessee Titans
Say what you will about that defense, the Pats should have no problem with the Titans this week as long as Jake Locker is fresh off the bench incubator and Tom Brady's receivers take their gloves out of the Country Crock for three hours.
Carolina Panthers (-2.5) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Cam Newton... Greg Schiano... blah blah blah etc. etc. The Panthers look to be on much more stable ground heading into 2012, so this should be a pretty easy win for the fightin' teal and black. Bonus drinks for every time the announcers have euphoric seizures over Luke Kuechly tackling Doug Martin for a loss.
San Diego Chargers (-1) at Oakland Raiders
This should probably technically count as a House Punch game, but I'm not giving up just yet on the whole AFC West-- that's what Weeks 2 - 17 are for. Anyway, Carson Palmer will absolutely BEG to be benched in this one, and San Diego could make just enough inexplicable mistakes to win by a single point without trying to shave for Vegas.
House Punch Games: Most likely to be lop-sided, sloppy and/or otherwise painful to digest
Philadelphia Eagles (-8.5) at Cleveland Browns
Stranger [read: more pathetic] things have certainly happened with the Eagles, especially with Michael Vick's ever-exploding ribs, but I expect a Philly rout in Cleveland on Sunday. The Eagles' consistently scary pass rush will be way too much for Brandon Weeden to stomach out of the gate.
Buffalo Bills at New York Jets (-2.5)
I'm calling it-- Ryan Fitzpatrick on an average day would be worth five Mark Sanchez-es if multiplying zeroes counted. Caveat: Fred Jackson must have fully functional knees and toes. I think the Bills will prey on the beleaguered NYJ and find a way to put a field goal or two more on the board in a classic snoozer.
St. Louis Rams at Detroit Lions (-7)
Meh. Given that STL still hasn't identified a permanent Defensive Coordinator for Gregg Williams, I'm not sure anything short of a Wile E. Coyote-like scheme involving barbed wire and hand grenades will stop Calvin Johnson from lighting it up at home. The Lions should have this one by a landslide. Ack! OH NOEZ, BEWARE THE MADDEN CURSE
Jacksonville Jaguars at Minnesota Vikings (-3.5)
Blaine Gabbert has looked suspiciously good in the preseason, but the MJD holdout and generally unremarkable offseason have me siding with the Vikings at home for this one. Soak it up because this'll be the last time either of these teams are above 0.500 in 2012.
Miami Dolphins at Houston Texans (-12)
Statistically, there should be a handful games that result in a wider point differential than this, but things are looking pretty hopeless for sad, sad Miami in Week 1. Consider this the karmic offset to one of the most hated NBA franchises in recent years winning it all in June, temporary Team USA LeBron-lovin' aside.
Seattle Seahawks (-2.5) at Arizona Cardinals
Given the offensive and defensive matchups for these two teams, this could be a war of slow, sloppy, and ultimately very boring attrition. Conversely, we could see some spectacular scoring off of turnovers and punt returns, but generally, ugh. The Seahawks have it in the bag since they're not trying to fool anyone with their offensive woes and can sometimes keep the QB upright.
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