Preseason Win-Loss Predictions for Every Team: NFC North Edition

Our series continues with my preseason win-loss predictions for every NFL team this season.  Please note that I will bravely [?] refuse to change any of my projections based on meaningless said preseason games, so if I look crazy later, I'm just lazy.  This time, we will take a look at the NFC North:

Green Bay Packers

Predicted Record: 13 - 3

In A Sentence: The Packers will still be most-excellent and dominant, but just not quite as amazing as they were last year, statistical improbabilities being what they are and whatnot.

Playoff Chances: As surefire as a sold out Lambeau Field, first round bye included.

Best Game: Speaking of statistical improbability, who doesn't want to see a repeat of the offensive spectacular last year between the Saints and the Packers during Week 4 in Green Bay?  As a Saints fan, I kind of don't but for the good of all other football fanship, why not?

Upset Pick: Chicago takes a page from New York and Kansas City in Week 15 by turning up the defensive heat on Aaron Rodgers' receivers and picking apart a still-vulnerable Packers pass rush to eke out the win.

Chicago Bears
Predicted Record: 10 - 6

In A Sentence: The Bears finally put a strengthened receiving corps to work and become the team many expected them to be before their late season injury deluge in 2011.

Playoff Chances: A Wild Card is in the cards, provided Jay Cutler's hypchondria subsides for the next four months and the Lions get off to the dysfunctional start I'm predicting for them.

Best Game: In reference to said upset pick above, the Bears grind it out in Soldier Field with playoff hopes on the horizon against the Packers in Week 15.  Of course, it may not be so upsetting if Aaron Rodgers is already riding the bench with playoff position secured by then.

Upset Pick: Arizona plays to its sneaky defensive side and surprises an exhausted Chicago at the University of Phoenix Stadium (gotta love the stilted sponsorship monikers) in Week 16.

Detroit Lions
Predicted Record: 8 - 8

In A Sentence: The Lions prove to be a bit more uneven than most thought and regress (at least temporarily) into some old bad habits without a solid running game or secondary.

Playoff Chances: I know this pick is probably bonkers, but there's always at least one previous playoff team that unexpectedly falls off the apple cart, and the Lions look a little shakier with an undisciplined offseason, a tougher schedule, and a two-trick pony of an offense that would be shot to hell if Stafford or Megatron happens to get injured.  I will cite the 2007 Saints as a primary example of this phenomenon.

Best Game: Finally, Detroit gets to host a Thanksgiving game that shouldn't be a total mind-numbing rout when the Texans come to Ford Field in Week 12.

Upset Pick: I have Detroit losing mostly to ostensibly good teams this year (re: tougher schedule), but I picked the Titans winning a close one at home in Week 3.  Of course, I cannot express enough that these picks were well in advance of Jake Locker's obscene single-digit QBR preseason performance this past weekend.

Minnesota Vikings
Predicted Record: 2 - 14

In A Sentence: The regular blizzard-related collapse of the Metrodome continues to be a resounding metaphor for the Vikings' chances of being relevant in the NFC North.

Playoff Chances: I'm not as confident that the Vikings, unlike the Jaguars, will actually yield a record that is as totally abysmal as this, but it ain't going to be easy to get to 0.500 much less the playoffs in a division like this right now.

Best Game: Speaking of Jacksonville, Minnesota has as good a shot as any of stomping the Jaguars in Week 1 as long as it doesn't snow on the Metrodome in early September.

Upset Pick: I've also got the Vikings beating Arizona in Week 7 vis a vis Jared Allen terrorizing the Cards' offensive line for 60 minutes if the Metrodome roof can hang on through mid-October too-- hey, there's got to be an upside to global warming, right?