Preseason Win-Loss Predictions For Every Team: AFC East Edition

Good day, Lady Blitz faithful.  It's been a minute, but I've finally settled on the painstaking process of predicting every team's win-loss record and playoff chances this season, and my laptop mouse is working!  Until I find my 1.21 gigawatt power source, this is all pure speculation from an amateur sports fan, who also tends to struggle with bidding in Spades.

I tried to limit my reliance on last year's performances and on others' opinions, but hey, I'm only human.  If you're wondering where in the heck all these numbers came from, I just called 'em like I saw 'em on three separate occasions and settled on a final number.  256 times.  Yes, I have a problem.

We're off to the races with the AFC East:

New England Patriots

Predicted Record: 13 -3

In a Sentence: With the Patriots showing no signs of slowing down and a very weak schedule against the AFC South and NFC West, 2012 could be a New England cake walk.

Playoff Chances: All but certain.  And I'm talking about a first-round bye.

Best Game: Even though most of the Pats' schedule will be mind-numbing this year, who could decide between the contests with the Ravens (AFC Championship vengeance), Broncos (under Peyton Manning), and Texans (probably their scariest competition)?

Upset Pick:  The Jets always seem to steal one from the Patriots.  2012 will be no different.

Buffalo Bills

Predicted Record: 9 - 7

In A Sentence: After a slow start, the Bills put together a surprising run with an increasingly scary defense and the reliable footwork of Fred Jackson.

Playoff Chances: If Alex Smith can do it, why not Ryan Fitzpatrick?  The Bills inch into the last wild card spot for their first playoff appearance in over a decade, due in part to loose competition in the AFC.

Best Game: Speaking of potential doppelgangers, the Bills will face the 49ers at Candlestick in Week 5.  A slugfest for the ages.

Upset Pick: However unlikely, it would be intriguing to see the Bills shock the Patriots again this year.  (I'm not predicting that though, for the record).

Miami Dolphins

Predicted Record: 7 - 9

In A Sentence: The Dolphins go one win better than last year after parting ways with Tony Sparano, but there is still much rebuilding to do.

Playoff Chances: Come back next year and we'll talk.

Best Game: Gotta love the scheduling cruelty of putting this South Beach team in Foxboro in Week 17.  Talk about David and Goliath.

Upset Pick: Miami sweeps the Jets, a team whose quarterback depth is even less promising.

New York Jets

Predicted Record: 5 - 11

In A Sentence: Despite Rex Ryan's continuous jawing, the Jets are looking more and more like pretenders lately, and I'm predicting sink over swim this season unless the offense looks vastly different than I think it will.

Playoff Chances: How the mighty have fallen since their two consecutive AFC championship runs-- just not feeling it this season.

Best Game: I'm looking forward to lots of pregame smack  between Rex Ryan and Jim Harbaugh when the Jets and 49ers face off in Week 4.

Upset Pick: As stated earlier, the Jets may well slow down Tom Brady & crew, for a fleeting moment anyway.