Quick Snaps: I Know It's the Preseason But...

As we approach the end of the Sports No [wo]Man's Land of August, the NFL regular season is finally almost upon us!  To reflect on what we've seen so far in 2012, I'm not one to read too much into the half-speed, experimental tea leaves of preseason football, but I think there's enough to offer a few stray observations on what we do know at this point.  Courtesy of our Twitter-happy universe, I present to you 10 Quick Snap judgments about what we've seen in the preseason to date:

1) The Jets QB situation is truly the stuff of nightmares - Sometimes there are extreme anomalies in how a team performs in the preseason.  The 0 - 16 Lions of 2009 were 4 - 0 in August, for example.  Still, there is nothing encouraging about Sanch-Bow under center in the Meadowlands.  This team has yet to put a touchdown on the scoreboard in three games, meaning the kangaroo court of Jets fans are going to anoint and promptly eviscerate Tim Tebow once they realize the Wild Cat is so 2000 and late.

2) Steve Smith may be the real Superman in Carolina - Speaking of NYJ, their defense sure put a hurting on the Carolina Panthers' A-Team this past weekend.  Yes, one game does not statistical significance make, but Cam Newton looked awful flustered and indecisive without injured WR and security blanket Steve Smith.

3) The only thing scary about the Saints' defense right now is how scary they made Blaine Gabbert look - A triple-digit passer rating for a man who would've flinched at the site of a golden retriever in the pocket last year?  Seven missed tackles in a quarter?  Exploding knee injuries for the whole newly acquired linebacker cavalry? This Saints fan is managing expectations for now and hoping for some very quick turnarounds in September.

4) How about that Andrew Luck? - I get that this is totally cliche and will alter no one's opinions or expectations about Draft Pick No. 1 this year, but wow does Andrew Luck look great.  I was especially impressed with his performance against the Steelers in Pre-Week 2 during which he was sacked and intercepted multiple times.  Despite some rookie mistakes, he responded resiliently and stayed clutch.

5) David DeCastro's ligament woes could spell disaster for the Steelers - Pittsburgh's offensive line has been about as stable as a nuclear isotope over the past few years.  It takes a special kind of blocking machine to protect Ben just-five-more-seconds-of-scrambling Roethlisberger.  With injuries to his ACL and MCL last week, David DeCastro's absence could make for a really rough offensive game for which to fire Todd Haley.

6) The tight end revolution is on - Rob Gronkowski and Jimmy Graham became household names among fantasy football GMs last season by serving just as much in a wide receiver role as they did in the traditional blocker backup role.  I think the TE repurposing revolution is about to take place all over the NFL this year.  Look for guys like Aaron Hernandez (NE), Jermaine Gresham (CIN) and Jared Cook (TEN) among others to have a big 2012 too in a similar role.

7) Terrelle Pryor will have his day - I predict there will be a changing of the guard at the Raiders' QB position in Week 8 or so.  Carson Palmer continues to prove he's damaged goods with inconsistent play that is just too sloppy for a veteran of his stature.  Pryor's got the arm strength to dazzle a desperate team into trying something new.

8) Michael Vick is made of glass - The O-Line coaching shuffle from Juan Castillo to Howard Mudd has not paid off for anyone in Philadelphia, least of all Unbreakable supervillian-cum-quarterback Michael Vick. I get it, there's no sense in taking extra risks by playing hurt in the preseason.  But when you take yourself out for a hangnail in Pre-Week 1 and then get your ribs smashed to pieces a week later, it looks like both will and skill are working against the Eagles' passing game this year.

9) Julio Jones is money - A year of pro experience and a more well-oiled connection with Matt Ryan has served WR Julio Jones well.  I absolutely shudder to think how NOLA's defense will handle this deep threat if he stays healthy this season.  Maybe Coach Mike Smith will take some sympathy with his questionable play-calling.

10) Poor Billy Cundiff - I know he's just a kicker--and a lonesome kicker at that after last year's AFC Championship--but I think Baltimore was more than a little harsh in ousting Billy Cundiff in the preseason since he's been mostly reliable with field goals and outstanding with touchbacks during his tenure with the Ravens.  Ever since these guys let their native son Matt Stover go (to Indy of all places), they've seemed a little trigger happy with a position that's not as expendable as it may appear.  Ask anyone who's had a Grammatica kick for their team before...


And that concludes our preseason hijinks-- up next, my very first regular season Week 1 game predictions!!!!!!

Preseason Win-Loss Predictions for Every Team: NFC West

And so our series winds down with less than 10 days until the official kick-off of the 2012 NFL season!  Please note that I will bravely [?] refuse to change any of my projections based on meaningless said preseason games, so if I look crazy later, I'm just lazy.  This time, we will take a look at the NFC West:

San Francisco 49ers

Predicted Record: 10 - 6

In A Sentence: Grantland's Bill Barwell has most excellently captured my gut feeling about the 49ers heading into this year: that they'll still benefit from being in a relatively weak division and having the NFL's most elite defense, but the ball just won't bounce their way as much in terms of turnover margin and player health this time around.

Playoff Chances: The rest of the NFC West has given few reasons up to this point as to why the Niners won't repeat as division champs with a playoff bid.

Best Game: San Francisco continues to prove they were and are the better team versus the Detroit Lions in Candlestick, Week 2.

Upset Pick: Because each team either did beat the 49ers or came within an Alex Smith beard hair of doing so in 2011, I'm projecting San Fran dropping a game against each of its divisional brethren in 2012.

Seattle Seahawks

Predicted Record: 8 - 8

In A Sentence: Following in the 49ers stead last year to a lesser extent, the Seahawks find ways to win a fair amount of games with stellar defensive chops in the absence of offensive horsepower.

Playoff Chances: Turns out you need to have a winning record to make the playoffs in the NFC West these days, so the Seahawks will be spending January 2013 where the playoff gods intended: at home.

Best Game: As mentioned in a previous post, I think Seattle will really be able to prove whether or not it's battle-tested against a nasty Carolina offense on the road in Week 5.

Upset Pick: The Twelfth Man carries the Seahawks past the 49ers in Week 16, where Tavaris Jackson is nowhere to be found.

Arizona Cardinals

Predicted Record: 6 - 10

In A Sentence: Like the Seahawks, the Cardinals will continue to torture their very respectable defensive squad (and Larry Fitzgerald) with a sloppy O-Line and corresponding revolving door of mediocre quarterbacks this season.

Playoff Chances: To paraphrase children's classic Toy Story, "Not today, Woody."  There are still too many holes in the roster and too tough a schedule ahead for the Cardinals to make an impact.

Best Game: Arizone declaws Calvin Johnson and the Lions in Week 15, sparking some small hope in Scottsdale that next year may actually be better.

Upset Pick: I've picked the Cardinals to squeak past the Bears at home in Week 16, especially if Brian Urlacher's fancy European knee therapy doesn't pan out so well.

St. Louis Rams

Predicted Record: 5 - 11

In A Sentence: The Rams will be the very definition of rebuilding this year, but I think Jeff Fisher will have enough cards up his sleeve to make things interesting while still maintaining a high draft pick next year.

Playoff Chances: Even in the NFL's least competitive division, the odds are stacked against St. Louis this year.

Best Game: In addition to the upset pick below, the Rams have a real chance to make a splash in the division early against the Cardinals in the first [heaven help us] Thursday night game in Week 4.

Upset Pick: The Rams overpower the 49ers to the surprise of many in Week 13 at home with a slight offensive edge.

Preseason Win-Loss Predictions for Every Team: NFC South Edition

Our series continues with my preseason win-loss prediction for every NFL team this season.  Please note that I will bravely [?] refuse to change any of my projections based on meaningless said preseason games, so if I look crazy later, I'm just lazy.  This time, we will take a look at the NFC South:

Atlanta Falcons

Predicted Record: 10 - 6

In A Sentence: The Falcons' pass offense sets a fire not seen in Atlanta since the Civil War and wins the Dirty Birds plenty of games that the rushing game will not.

Playoff Chances: The Falcons take advantage of the flummoxed Saints and still up-and-coming Panthers and Buccaneers for the division crown, thereby continuing the streak of attrition in the NFC South.

Best Game: The Falcons-Saints rivalry should continue to be fantastic, high-octane drama this year with Atlanta seeking revenge after being totally bulldozed by Drew Brees' record smasher last December.

Upset Pick: Tampa starts looking like a divisional contender by putting a damper on Atlanta's firepower at Raymond James in Week 12.

New Orleans Saints

Predicted Record: 9 -7

In A Sentence: The Saints show their resilience with that old faithful juggernaut offense, but baby steps on defense and a lack of stable leadership on the sidelines will put a few more notches in the loss column this year in NOLA.

Playoff Chances: Believe you me I hope that I am utterly wrong on this one, but I just don't see the Saints pulling off a playoff appearance this season with the adversity they have faced and all of the adjustments ahead for the defense and coaching staff.  They'll still look respectable, all things considered, but they'll be upstairs instead of on the field at the Superdome next February.

Best Game: The Saints always seem to play their lights-out best against the league's best teams, and methinks they'll be more than motivated to pay back the 49ers for the last postseason in front of a raucous home crowd in Week 12.

Upset Pick: Conversely, the Saints always seem to play pitifully against struggling teams (the 2010 Browns/Cardinals/Seahawks and 2011 Rams/Buccaneers, anyone?).  I say they make the Oakland Raiders look just as good as the preseason Jaguars in Week 11.

Carolina Panthers

Predicted Record: 8 - 8

In A Sentence: The Panthers will continue to improve as Cam Newtown matures and the defense settles down, just not as much as a lot of people are projecting just yet.

Playoff Chances: I know the Panthers are the trendy "dark horse" playoff pick these days, which is no longer a dark horse pick by virtue of being trendy.  It's totally possible, but with so much competition in the division and the NFC at large, the Panthers will likely need some missteps to happen elsewhere in the conference to crash the party this year.

Best Game: Squaring off with RG3 and the Redskins in Week 9 should be a rocking good time, but for the sake of the Carolina's playoff chances, they should plan on taking advantage of a vulnerable Saints team at home in Week 2.

Upset Pick: Assuming they can get their QB quagmire in order, the Seahawks look to spoil the fun in Carolina in Week 5 by slowing Cam Newton down with a rock star defense.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Predicted Record: 6 - 10

In A Sentence: Like the Eagles last year, it will take the Bucs some time to mold a young and newly assembled squad into a true team provided the offense can stay healthy.

Playoff Chances: Very much on the outside looking in here in the NFC South.  Also, is it just me or is everyone overlooking the fact that while Greg Schiano is a great human interest story, he wasn't all that spectacular at Rutgers?  Yes, Rutgers.

Best Game: Save for the upset pick below, the Bucs have a tough early schedule, so it may take until Week 6 when the Chiefs come to town before they can find some stable footing under the new regime.

Upset Pick: As stated above, Tampa really starts to turn the corner more consistently by Week 12 when they surprise a hot Falcons team at home.

Preseason Win-Loss Predictions for Every Team: NFC North Edition

Our series continues with my preseason win-loss predictions for every NFL team this season.  Please note that I will bravely [?] refuse to change any of my projections based on meaningless said preseason games, so if I look crazy later, I'm just lazy.  This time, we will take a look at the NFC North:

Green Bay Packers

Predicted Record: 13 - 3

In A Sentence: The Packers will still be most-excellent and dominant, but just not quite as amazing as they were last year, statistical improbabilities being what they are and whatnot.

Playoff Chances: As surefire as a sold out Lambeau Field, first round bye included.

Best Game: Speaking of statistical improbability, who doesn't want to see a repeat of the offensive spectacular last year between the Saints and the Packers during Week 4 in Green Bay?  As a Saints fan, I kind of don't but for the good of all other football fanship, why not?

Upset Pick: Chicago takes a page from New York and Kansas City in Week 15 by turning up the defensive heat on Aaron Rodgers' receivers and picking apart a still-vulnerable Packers pass rush to eke out the win.

Chicago Bears
Predicted Record: 10 - 6

In A Sentence: The Bears finally put a strengthened receiving corps to work and become the team many expected them to be before their late season injury deluge in 2011.

Playoff Chances: A Wild Card is in the cards, provided Jay Cutler's hypchondria subsides for the next four months and the Lions get off to the dysfunctional start I'm predicting for them.

Best Game: In reference to said upset pick above, the Bears grind it out in Soldier Field with playoff hopes on the horizon against the Packers in Week 15.  Of course, it may not be so upsetting if Aaron Rodgers is already riding the bench with playoff position secured by then.

Upset Pick: Arizona plays to its sneaky defensive side and surprises an exhausted Chicago at the University of Phoenix Stadium (gotta love the stilted sponsorship monikers) in Week 16.

Detroit Lions
Predicted Record: 8 - 8

In A Sentence: The Lions prove to be a bit more uneven than most thought and regress (at least temporarily) into some old bad habits without a solid running game or secondary.

Playoff Chances: I know this pick is probably bonkers, but there's always at least one previous playoff team that unexpectedly falls off the apple cart, and the Lions look a little shakier with an undisciplined offseason, a tougher schedule, and a two-trick pony of an offense that would be shot to hell if Stafford or Megatron happens to get injured.  I will cite the 2007 Saints as a primary example of this phenomenon.

Best Game: Finally, Detroit gets to host a Thanksgiving game that shouldn't be a total mind-numbing rout when the Texans come to Ford Field in Week 12.

Upset Pick: I have Detroit losing mostly to ostensibly good teams this year (re: tougher schedule), but I picked the Titans winning a close one at home in Week 3.  Of course, I cannot express enough that these picks were well in advance of Jake Locker's obscene single-digit QBR preseason performance this past weekend.

Minnesota Vikings
Predicted Record: 2 - 14

In A Sentence: The regular blizzard-related collapse of the Metrodome continues to be a resounding metaphor for the Vikings' chances of being relevant in the NFC North.

Playoff Chances: I'm not as confident that the Vikings, unlike the Jaguars, will actually yield a record that is as totally abysmal as this, but it ain't going to be easy to get to 0.500 much less the playoffs in a division like this right now.

Best Game: Speaking of Jacksonville, Minnesota has as good a shot as any of stomping the Jaguars in Week 1 as long as it doesn't snow on the Metrodome in early September.

Upset Pick: I've also got the Vikings beating Arizona in Week 7 vis a vis Jared Allen terrorizing the Cards' offensive line for 60 minutes if the Metrodome roof can hang on through mid-October too-- hey, there's got to be an upside to global warming, right?

Preseason Win-Loss Predictions for Every Team: NFC East Edition

First, as a somewhat random side note, look who's national-sports-blog-famous these days: http://deadspin.com/5933331/why-your-team-sucks-2012-new-orleans-saints Yes, the language is a little salty (in the parlance of the website's style) and someone may have thrown their beloved team under the bus, but 15 minutes is 15 minutes.  Anyway...
Our series continues with my preseason win-loss predictions for every NFL team this season.  Please note that I will bravely [?] refuse to change any of my projections based on meaningless said preseason games to come, so if I look crazy later, I'm just lazy.  This time, we cross the conference aisle to take a look at the NFC East:

New York Giants

Predicted Record: 11 - 5

In A Sentence: The Giants meet [very high] expectations for the most part dealing with a tough division and an even tougher schedule due to clutch plays from Mr. Elite in many a nail-biter this season.

Playoff Chances: Looking good, provided NYG can maintain its control over the NFC East with a talented, consistent squad on both sides of the ball.  I'm putting my money on a division title and first round bye, which probably means I'll be eating Ramen nightly once the schedule of hard knocks ensues.

Best Game:  The Giants have a plethora of great games this season.  They will revisit each team they faced in last year's playoffs (Atlanta, Green Bay and San Francisco), not to mention some great divisional matchups.  But given that the reigning Super Bowl champ has gone undefeated in Week 1 since the NFL's kick off series began eight years ago, I look forward to seeing the Giants pummel the Cowboys in [gasp!] less than a month.

Upset Pick: Of course, at times the Giants can look all too vulnerable against less powerful teams, and I think the Redskins will remind Big Blue in Week 13 that they, too, will be NFC East contenders soon.

Philadelphia Eagles

Predicted Record: 10 - 6

In A Sentence: Learning from the sins of the past and keeping Michael Vick upright more often than not, the Eagles finally put their roster's embarrassment of riches to good use in 2012.

Playoff Chances: I'm projecting a Wild Card spot in Philly, though the Eagles ought to be neck and neck with the Giants for the division title and could easily come out on top.

Best Game: Week 17 in the Meadowlands with the Giants.  Assuming both of these teams live up to expectations, we're looking at a wild finish for playoff position that won't disappoint.

Upset Pick: Like the Giants, the Eagles will falter as the Redskins emerge victorious late in the Week 16 in front of a very ornery Philly home crowd (what else is new?)

Dallas Cowboys

 Predicted Record: 9 - 7

In A Sentence: Try as they might, Big D finds another way to look promising but snakebit this year with questionable coaching from Jason Garrett and unreliable offensive play from Tony Romo's crew.

Playoff Chances: In another division, the Cowboys would be able to lock up a playoff spot pretty easily, but they still look like the third most talented team in the NFC East right now to their detriment.

Best Game: Aside from the hotly anticipated divisional bouts this season (Please excuse the repetitive caveat), America's Teams rumble in Week 15 when the Steelers come to Dallas to contend for magnetic car logo market share.

Upset Pick: It would be hilarious if Dallas lost to the Cleveland Browns, especially if Colt McCoy somehow weasled his way back into the picture, but I've put most of the 'Boys notable losses within the division, so nothing surprising here.

Washington Redskins

Predicted Record: 6 - 10

In A Sentence: RG3 shows potential but doesn't quite meet the public's projections of Cam 2.0 with a mediocre franchise in a tough division.

Playoff Chances: Only made possible if everyone else in the East collapses in classic fashion, so 50/50.

Best Game: For reasons previously mentioned, I'm looking forward to the Redskins' Week 9 homefield battle with the Carolina Panthers-- do ya think Troy and Joe will be able to find some sort of interesting athletic comparison to tie all of the game calling together?

Upset Pick: As stated above, Robert Griffin out-Vicks the Eagles in Week 16, signaling the rise of yet another NFC East superpower.

Preseason Win-Loss Predictions for Every Team: AFC West Edition

Our series continues with my preseason win-loss predictions for every NFL team this season.  Please note that I will bravely [?] refuse to change any of my projections based on the meaningless said preseason games to come, so if I look crazy later, I'm just lazy.  This time, we take a look at the AFC West:

Kansas City Chiefs
Predicted Record: 10 - 6

In A Sentence: The Chiefs pick up where they left off in 2010 with a solid roster at full strength and less balanced division rivals from which to emerge victorious.

Playoff Chances: Pretty good, although this is easily the toughest division winner to pick in the 2012 season.  I'm going to assume that Romeo Crennel can lead this restored team through a tough schedule for the AFC West crown and that Dwayne Bowe will be all too eager to play lights out before free agency hits.

Best Game: I'm looking forward to KC's divisional matchups with the Broncos, which ought to be the truest litmus test for this division's playoff spot.

Upset Pick: The Chiefs avenge the playoff rout they experienced in 2010 courtesy of the Baltimore Ravens in Week 5, sparking pundit banter about their contender potential.

Denver Broncos
Predicted Record: 8 - 8

In A Sentence: While Peyton Manning's presence is a welcome change at QB, the Broncos need another year to rebuild under No. 18's complicated schematics and an easier schedule to rise back into contention.

Playoff Chances: I lean on the side of close but no cigar.  A bend-don't-break defensive approach doesn't bode well with a Manning no-huddle offense.

Best Game: The jersey may have changed, but the rivalry will be just the same when Peyton heads to Tom Brady's house in Week 5.

Upset Pick: This classification may depend on which side of 0.500 Denver finds itself on, so my David pick is beating Houston at home in Week 3.  My Goliath pick is the Saints winning despite their defensive adversities at Mile High in Week 8.

San Diego Chargers
Predicted Record: 8 - 8

In A Sentence: Life won't get any easier for the once-dominant Chargers whose divisional competition just got a lot stiffer just as the talent has started to bleed.

Playoff Chances: It wouldn't be surprising if the Chargers slid in, but it also wouldn't be surprising if they didn't.  I'm banking on the latter since they have too many holes on the roster to fill this year.

Best Game: Division rivalries aside, the Chargers have an intriguing contender in the Atlanta Falcons in Week 3 as another team that has looked unstoppable at times over the past several years but just can't seem to break through in the playoffs.  Call it the "Who Wants It Less" Bowl.

Upset Pick: Assuming that the Chargers should have a winning record this season (even if that doesn't actually materialize), I think the Buccaneers will surprise them in the foreground of the pirate ship in Week 10.

Oakland Raiders
Predicted Record: 6 - 10

In A Sentence: The Raiders may not be as bad as their record will suggest, but it's crowded at their performance/talent level in the AFC West, making this the upteenth rebuilding year.

Playoff Chances: Every now and then the Raiders will surprise you, but probably not with Carson Palmer and an untested coaching staff at the helm.

Best Game: Carson Palmer returns to Cincinnati in Week 12 for the first time since being dropped by a Bengals organization that is looking pretty darn smart without him.

Upset Pick: The Raiders prove they are freakin' trying, alright?! in Week 1 against the Chargers, though the excitement soon gets sucked into a black hole of mediocrity.

Preseason Win-Loss Predictions for Every Team: AFC South Edition

Our series continues with my preseason win-loss predictions for every NFL team this season.  Please note that I will bravely [?] refuse to change any of my projections based on the meaningless said preseason games to come, so if I look crazy later, I'm just lazy.  This time, we take a look at the AFC South:

Houston Texans
Predicted Record: 13 - 3

In A Sentence: After seeing what Houston was able to do with a plague of injuries and a third-string quarterback in 2011, the Texans could be near-unstoppable and uber-balanced if they stay healthy this season... and maybe even if they don't.

Playoff Chances: There is no reason the Texans shouldn't rule the AFC South this year.  Avoid catastrophic injuries and they'll be enjoying a first-round by as well.

Best Game: Given that they technically happen within a week of each other, there are two bouts worth noting on my list: 1) the home game face off with Green Bay in Week 6 could surely be a classic; then 2) the Texans get to avenge their first-ever playoff loss when Baltimore comes to town in Week 7.

Upset Pick: I predict a temporary chilling effect on this explosive offense when the Texans visit the Bears in Week 10.

Tennessee Titans
Predicted Record: 8 - 8

In A Sentence: Like ripping off a Band-Aid, sooner or later the Titans will need to put Jake Locker under center this season, which will mean short term mediocrity and hopefully long term growth for a developing team.

Best Game: I like the Week 14 matchup between the Titans and the Colts.  By that time, Jake Locker and Andrew Luck will have gotten their sea legs in the pros and will be jockeying for other good things to come in the AFC South in 2013.

Upset Pick: The Titans finally put an end to that nasty Terrible Towel curse when the Steelers come to town in Week 6.

Indianapolis Colts
Predicted Record: 4 - 12

In A Sentence: I have few doubts that Andrew Luck will dazzle in 2012, but even Peyton Manning had to deal with a rookie learning curve and a subpar supporting cast before he got on the right side of 0.500 in Indianapolis.

Playoff Chances: Pretty slim for now, but still better than Jacksonville

Best Game: For old time rivalry's sake, Week 11 between the Colts and the Patriots could be fun if totally lopsided.  Andrew Luck can learn a lot from former 199th draft pick Tom Brady.

Upset Pick: While I think these teams will split the series, which may not qualify as an upset, I think Indy shows it has more promise in the immediate future than Tennessee in Week 14.

Jacksonville Jaguars
Predicted Record: 2- 14

In A Sentence: Hoo boy, you don't often pick records this drastically bad in preseason speculations, but consider this a no-confidence vote for questionable OC-to-head coach choice Mike Mularkey, ever-skittish and -inaccurate Blaine Gabbert, and DUI-prone draftee Justin Blackmon.

Playoff Chances: Zero... unless this is an Air Bud movie I haven't seen (which is actually all of them).
 
Best Game: The Jaguars should have the upper hand in a Week 3 matchup with the fledgling Colts, especially if MJD can find the will to live.

Upset Pick: To give the Jaguars' defense the credit it deserves, they may be able to shut down a lot of teams' production this season even if they can't outscore them. For that reason, I think they can topple the Jets in the midst of QB controversy in Week 14.

Preseason Win-Loss Predictions for Every Team: AFC North Edition

And now onward and upward with my preseason win-loss predictions for every NFL team this season.  Please note that I will bravely [?] refuse to change any of my projections based on the meaningless said preseason games to come, so if I look crazy later, I'm just lazy.  Now on to the AFC North!

Cincinnati Bengals
Predicted Record: 10 - 6

In a Sentence: Against the sunsetting backdrop of an aging Ravens-Steelers rivalry, the Bengals finally break through and steal the division crown in 2012 to the surprise of many.

Playoff Chances: Very, very good, especially if either Baltimore or Pittsburgh gets off to a slow start.  I've picked the Bengals to win the AFC North this year.

Best Game: Cincinnati goes to Baltimore in Week 17, a matchup that may well determine the division winner in dramatic fashion.

Upset Pick: The Bengals set the tone for the season when they outlast the Ravens in their bookend Week 1 performance.

Baltimore Ravens
Predicted Record: 9 - 7

In A Sentence: It won't be pretty, but the Ravens' sheer will power and steady QB play by Joe Flacco will see them through in what may be Ray Lewis' and Ed Reed's farewell season.

Playoff Chances: Taking notes from the 2011 New York Giants, Baltimore limps into the wild card round and then turns up the heat with the return of Terrell Suggs.

Best Game: Can there be another? Baltimore at Pittsburgh in Week 11.

Upset Pick: The Ravens get to sing their redemption song in Week 4 against the Patriots with a game-ending field goal from anti-hero Billy Cundiff.  (Not technically an upset, but hey...)

Pittsburgh Steelers
Predicted Record: 9 - 7

In A Sentence: The Steelers have a steady but unmemorable year while building up a new defensive corps for long-term success under Polamalu's tutelage.

Playoff Chances: One could easily swap the Ravens' chances with that of the Steelers this year.  However, Pittsburgh lays an unexpected egg in Cleveland to let Baltimore go ahead in the division standings.

Upset Pick: Blame it on the Week 3 bye (Huh? That exists?).  A long and grueling schedule puts the Steelers behind the eightball by the time they make it to Cleveland in Week 12.

Cleveland Browns
Predicted Record: 4 - 12

In A Sentence: Same as it ever was, the Cleveland Browns will continue to rest patiently at the bottom of the Yertle the Turtle tower in a powerful division, this time with Brandon Weedon starring.

Playoff Chances: Stranger things have happened, but the Browns will stay locked up in the dawg pound for another year.

Best Game: If not the upset pick below, Cleveland at Indianapolis in Week 7 could be an intriguing matchup of teams trying to mold new talent into relevance again.

Upset Pick: Cleveland finds a way past Pittsburgh in Week 12 with Trent Richardson's growing ground-and-pound success.

Preseason Win-Loss Predictions For Every Team: AFC East Edition

Good day, Lady Blitz faithful.  It's been a minute, but I've finally settled on the painstaking process of predicting every team's win-loss record and playoff chances this season, and my laptop mouse is working!  Until I find my 1.21 gigawatt power source, this is all pure speculation from an amateur sports fan, who also tends to struggle with bidding in Spades.

I tried to limit my reliance on last year's performances and on others' opinions, but hey, I'm only human.  If you're wondering where in the heck all these numbers came from, I just called 'em like I saw 'em on three separate occasions and settled on a final number.  256 times.  Yes, I have a problem.

We're off to the races with the AFC East:

New England Patriots

Predicted Record: 13 -3

In a Sentence: With the Patriots showing no signs of slowing down and a very weak schedule against the AFC South and NFC West, 2012 could be a New England cake walk.

Playoff Chances: All but certain.  And I'm talking about a first-round bye.

Best Game: Even though most of the Pats' schedule will be mind-numbing this year, who could decide between the contests with the Ravens (AFC Championship vengeance), Broncos (under Peyton Manning), and Texans (probably their scariest competition)?

Upset Pick:  The Jets always seem to steal one from the Patriots.  2012 will be no different.

Buffalo Bills

Predicted Record: 9 - 7

In A Sentence: After a slow start, the Bills put together a surprising run with an increasingly scary defense and the reliable footwork of Fred Jackson.

Playoff Chances: If Alex Smith can do it, why not Ryan Fitzpatrick?  The Bills inch into the last wild card spot for their first playoff appearance in over a decade, due in part to loose competition in the AFC.

Best Game: Speaking of potential doppelgangers, the Bills will face the 49ers at Candlestick in Week 5.  A slugfest for the ages.

Upset Pick: However unlikely, it would be intriguing to see the Bills shock the Patriots again this year.  (I'm not predicting that though, for the record).

Miami Dolphins

Predicted Record: 7 - 9

In A Sentence: The Dolphins go one win better than last year after parting ways with Tony Sparano, but there is still much rebuilding to do.

Playoff Chances: Come back next year and we'll talk.

Best Game: Gotta love the scheduling cruelty of putting this South Beach team in Foxboro in Week 17.  Talk about David and Goliath.

Upset Pick: Miami sweeps the Jets, a team whose quarterback depth is even less promising.

New York Jets

Predicted Record: 5 - 11

In A Sentence: Despite Rex Ryan's continuous jawing, the Jets are looking more and more like pretenders lately, and I'm predicting sink over swim this season unless the offense looks vastly different than I think it will.

Playoff Chances: How the mighty have fallen since their two consecutive AFC championship runs-- just not feeling it this season.

Best Game: I'm looking forward to lots of pregame smack  between Rex Ryan and Jim Harbaugh when the Jets and 49ers face off in Week 4.

Upset Pick: As stated earlier, the Jets may well slow down Tom Brady & crew, for a fleeting moment anyway.