Friends Don't Let Friends Listen to Coldplay: A SB50 Alternate Playlist

And now for something completely different on this here sports blog.  (But you can check out yesterday's cheering guide for the Broncos and Panthers too if you want)  I usually don't pay much heed to the Super Bowl halftime show one way or the other.  Sometimes you get an all-time classic like Beyoncé or Prince, sometimes you get a pleasant surprise like Bruno Mars, and then most of the time, you get a forgettable clunker like The way-past-their-prime Who or the flat and soullessly overproduced Black Eyed Peas.  I'd still take either one of those over Coldplay, the music industry's spiritual equivalent of watching beige paint dry.  I mean, it's the 50th milestone of the Super Bowl.  How many other artists could have possibly turned this gig down for Coldplay to even be an option?  Maybe they were the most desperate bidder in the NFL's arrogant move to make performers pay to play this thing.

Anyway, because you are my friend, I made you a Don't Listen to Coldplay playlist that should last the duration of halftime.  Enjoy!

1) Beyoncé - Get Me Bodied
Yes, I'm aware that Ms. Fierce will actually be on hand to try to prop up Coldplay's unsalted porridge of a halftime show.  Let this song serve as a reminder that she could have done this a grizzillion times better solo.

2) Beck - Nicotine & Gravy
Fact: it is illegal to have a party without "Nicotine & Gravy" on your playlist.  It is perfectly okay to have a party without nicotine or gravy though.  You'll probably live longer.

3) David Bowie - Queen B*tch
I actually wanted to put Bowie's killer cover of "I'm Waiting for the Man" here, but Spotify did not play nice. This ain't a bad runner up though.  Rest in power, David Bowie.

4) Janelle Monáe - Tightrope
Janelle Monáe would be a 100% stellar choice for a future Super Bowl halftime show.  And for any of you headphone music nerds, her eclectic studio band is as spectacular as her voice.

5) LCD Soundsystem - Drunk Girls
Were the Super Bowl halftime an hour long [heaven forbid], I would have cradled your eardrums in the blessed slow burn of "Dance Yrself Clean," but this one might be more apropros of your fellow SB50 party patrons anyhow.

6) Spirit - I Got a Line on You
Objectively speaking, Fargo is the best TV series you're probably not watching right now.  This one is from Season 2's GOAT soundtrack set in the late 70s.  Also on the too-long runner up list, check out Blitzen Trapper's cover of "Man of Constant Sorrow" sometime.  You won't regret it.

7) Sharon Jones & the Dap Kings - Better Things
Sharon Jones has better things to do than listen to Coldplay.  Life moves fast, as Ferris Bueller would say.

8) A Tribe Called Quest - Check the Rhime
Best. Hook. Evah.