The Bittersweet Hindsight Award: Darren Bevell's Ego
First up, I hope the irony wasn't lost on anyone who watched the end of that Rams-Seahawks game on Sunday. After an entire offseason of being reamed out for not letting Marshawn Lynch run it up the gut at the end of Super Bowl XLIX, the Seahawks gave the people what they wanted and called Lynch's number on a do-or-die 4th and 1 in overtime. Only instead of willing an automatic first down, Lynch was stuffed well behind the line of scrimmage, sealing the upset for St. Louis whose defense saw the play coming a mile away. Seattle fans have to be pulling their hair out, especially given the lackluster play of their Legion of Boom and offensive line to start the season. But I have a sneaking suspicion that Seahawks OC Darren Bevell must have felt at least an iota of vindication on Sunday after all of that criticism for not going with Lynch the last time around. Sure, it's a sample size of two plays and both of them resulted in disastrous losses for Seattle, but I'd like to think Bevell and Pete Carroll smirked their way home with a "Told ya so!" after losing on a Lynch run - they probably needed some way to rationalize that just-plain-goofy decision to start overtime with an onside kick anyhow. Also, if you're reading this, Russell Wilson, I know you're a cyborg and all but you might want to stop with the scheduled Tweets thing - it's a bad look.
The Helmet of Smugness Award: (Tie) Tom Brady and Marcus Mariota
On my weekly trivia team, we have an invisible "Crown of Smugness" for when we turn in a wrong answer but someone on the team guessed the right one during discussion. Tangentially, I'm an awful taunter when I wear the Crown. This week, Tom Brady and Marcus Mariota torched opponents and doubters alike for a combined 8 TDs and 500 yards, so I am giving them smugness headware of their own going into Week 2 as they remember fondly the Roger Goodells and Skip Baylesses of the world who didn't see them coming. And given that Goodell, Bayless and Jameis Winston all ended up looking even more ridiculous after these big-time QB performances, I hope you buy Brady or Mariota a fruit basket if you see them this week. Here's a fun factoid by the way: the Titans, who went 2 - 14 last season, currently have sole possession of first place in the AFC South. Whaaaa?
One of the weirdest streaks out there in the NFL has to be Matt Stafford's 0-fer record against winning teams on the road. Where we last left things, Stafford was part of the Lions' 4th-quarter collapse against the Cowboys in the Wild Card round, bringing him to 0 - 18 when visiting teams above 0.500. If you grant that the Chargers are now winning at 1 - 0 after a wild comeback, that makes the perplexing Detroit QB 0 - 19 in this situation. He certainly didn't help his team hang on to that double-digit lead with two interceptions and two punts on consecutive drives in the second half in San Diego, and although a record this dramatic has to be a little flukey, I wouldn't stand next to this guy in a lightning storm at Lambeau Field, just sayin'.
The Hype Train Award: Those Buffalo Bills
Holy guacamole, those Bills. You'd be hard-pressed to find another team that had a more dominant start to this season. We knew Buffalo's defense would be no joke, especially after they bullied Aaron Rodgers into a QBR resembling that of Josh McCown last year. But holding the Andrew Luck-led Colts scoreless for nearly three full quarters and putting up 400 yards of offense with Tyrod Taylor under center? Color me wildly impressed. Jump on this hype train with me and hope that Rex Ryan can keep things interesting in the AFC East after all! The Bills will certainly get their shot when the Patriots come to town next week.
Maybe it's just the Week 1 rust or maybe it's that the 49ers still look more than competent on defense with a healthy Navarro Bowman returning, but you'd be hard-pressed to find a worse performance by an offensive line this week than that of the Vikings. They gave up five sacks on Teddy Bridgewater-- even helping out on one--and kept Adrian Peterson to just 3 yards per carry. There was reason to see this coming. Starting right tackle Phil Loadholt suffered a season-ending injury weeks ago and center John Sullivan could be out for several weeks to come. We could certainly expect some growing pains as this reshuffled line tries to figure things out, but they better get it together quick if they're going to give this offense a chance against the Lions (twice!), Broncos and Chiefs over the next five weeks.
Reasons for Every Team to Be Optimistic This Year
The beauty of Week 1 is that every team and fan can delude themselves into high hopes for the season. At best, you had a solid win or surprising upset. At worst, you're a game away from 0.500 and have another 15 more games to prove yourself worthy. So here's my rapid fire take on why every team can be optimistic at this point:Broncos - If defense still wins championships, you're a contender whether or not Manning still has gas in the tank.
Bears - Somehow, Matt Forte is still amazing and criminally underrated.
Bengals - Your secondary will make up for plenty of mediocre outings from Andy Dalton in the future, assuming Adam Jones isn't eventually suspended for all of time of course.
Bills - Your quarterback may not actually erase all of your defense's spectacular work.
Browns - Good, bad or meh, Johnny Manziel's mere presence will bring your team more national media attention than they've had for the past three decades.
Buccaneers - Your quarterback's failings have brought tremendous amounts of joy to just about everyone living outside of the state of Florida.
Cardinals - Carson Palmer is still playing well enough for you to be deeply depressed if he gets injured again.
Chargers - In a matter of two quarters, you suddenly don't hate Philip Rivers' new contract that much anymore.
Chiefs - You might just be favored against the Broncos next week... finally.
Colts - Andrew Luck can almost certainly handle every other defense left on the schedule.
Cowboys -Welp, at least Tony Romo said he's gotten used to not throwing the ball to Dez Bryant. RIP Bakery Special Fantasy Team:(
Dolphins - You're 1 - 0! ...Just like every other team in the AFC East.
Eagles - Sam Bradford is still walking!
Falcons - The NFC South is looking miiiighty attainable.
49ers - Rumors of your defense's death have been greatly exaggerated.
Giants - Even without JPP and Jon Beason, your defense was almost good enough to overcome abysmal clock management by Eli Manning.
Jaguars - There are worse ways to spend a Sunday afternoon than swimming while watching the Red Zone channel outside.
Jets - You are capable of forcing 5 turnovers in a game, even if it's against the Browns.
Lions - Ameer Abdullah might help you not blow so many leads in road games against teams with winning records if you use him.
Packers - You still have Aaron Rodgers on your team!
Panthers - Your quarterback lives to play another week with virtually no offensive line to be seen.
Patriots - Tom Brady is clearly back to 2007 Vengeance Tour form.
Rams - Your victory over Seattle was all guts and skill with just a dash of special teams voodoo.
Raiders - There's going to be an Amari Cooper breakout game at some point, and it's going to be awesome.
Ravens - Sure, Joe Flacco didn't look good on Sunday, but neither did Peyton Manning.
Redskinks - You still have time to trade in your RG3 jersey for an Alfred Morris one.
Saints - At least Jimmy Graham lost this week too.
Seahawks - That 4th quarter Nick Foles drive might just have been enough to guilt Kam Chancellor into coming back next week.
Steelers - There are far worse 2nd string running backs than De'Angelo Williams.
Titans - Were you even watching the game yesterday? Holy crap, Marcus Mariota hath delivered.
Texans - Apparently Arian Foster's recovery is going well.
Vikings - Um, you probably won't have to play another game that starts at 10pm central time this year?
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