June 29, 2014

A Reason to Love and Hate Every NFL Team This Season: AFC South Edition

After a long hiatus from all things speculative football BS, it's time to hit the grindstone as we gear up for 19 beautiful weeks of gridiron.  Rorschach test?  Not quite.  But let us continue with Reasons to Love and Hate Every NFL Team This Season: AFC South Edition:

Indianapolis Colts


Love - A Lucky Renaissance
RG3 got Rookie of the Year honors and Russell Wilson already has a ring, but all signs point to Andrew Luck as the very best QB in a loaded 2012 draft class.  It's impossible to imagine the Colts getting to 0.500 much less two straight playoff appearances without him, especially given their awful point differential in 2012 and the loss of Reggie Wayne and any decent running game in 2013.  No. 12 looks like a Hall of Famer in all the ways you'd expect like arm strength, mobility and exceptional decision-making, but he's also a sorcerer sometimes.  Under Luck's leadership, the Colts handed both the Seahawks and Broncos their first losses last season and had a face melting 28-point comeback in the Wild Card round against the Chiefs.  With that kind of experience and resilience in just two years, he's got a higher ceiling than just about anyone else under center these days so it's a matter of when, not if, you jump on the Andrew Luck bandwagon.

Hate - Some Very Low Lows
The highs were indeed very high for the Colts in 2013 as referenced above, but Indy also had some horrific games that have surely made fans feel that nothing is safe.  They lost four games by three possessions or more including a very public divisional round drubbing in New England.  For all of Andrew Luck's magical powers, the Colts still have some major vulnerabilities that could keep them from making the leap just yet. Indy's did not have a 100-yard rusher all season, and the defense has oscillated from brilliant to pathetic with lots of spare parts and injuries contributing to that instability.  Left unresolved, these issues probably won't affect the Colts' cushion atop the decimated AFC South, but they may not be so fortunate against the conference's top brass.

Jacksonville Jaguars


Love - Emerging from Futility
You never really know with the AFC, but it’s pretty safe to say the Jaguars aren’t ready for the playoffs yet after years of unbridled failure and regression. Nevertheless, I love everything Jacksonville is doing to earn back some respect and a foundation to build on… before the team packs up for LA or London anyway. The Seahawks’ historic defense of 2013 has Coach Gus Bradley’s fingerprints all over it, and now he’s lured some of that defensive muscle to the Southeast a la Chris Clemmons and Red Bryant.  And though they may have a rookie baptism by fire, the draft additions of Blake Bortles and Marqise Lee will give the Jaguars' aerial game a fresh start after the epic busts of Blaine Gabbert and Justin Blackmon. Winners they probably aren’t, but these Jaguars might finally take 3rd place in the South away from the Titans this year - that’s better than nothing!

Hate - Rolling the Dice Under Center... Again
Maybe the Jaguars front office will prove us wrong, but let's be honest, how often has that happened?  It was a quintessentially Jacksonville move to take Blake Bortles third overall in this year's draft when they could have loaded up on additional picks and still gotten their man much later in all likelihood.  They just can't help but reach for the proverbial tabloid and Reese's Pieces in the checkout line in hopes that these many years of suckitude will finally end with a relatively untested project for a quarterback.  I genuinely hope Bortles works out for this long-suffering and diminished fanbase, but he's fighting quite a franchise track record of draft day incompetence.

Houston Texans


Love - Jadeveon the Terror
Outside of Andrew Luck, it’s hard to think of a #1 overall pick in recent memory who has received as much buzz over the course of a year as Jadeveon Clowney has. If he’s as good as they all say, the Texans may not need to worry about their offense at all, especially given the tandem with J.J. Watt. For those who worry that Clowney won’t be able to overcome the hype in his debut, I say, have you seen the Texans’ schedule this year? After a precipitous fall in 2013, they’ll basically be prancing on marshmallow clouds with an itinerary including up to four games against rookie QBs (Jaguars x2, Raiders, Browns) and eight games against wildly inconsistent and/or frequently injured QBs (Redskins, Giants, Bills, Cowboys, Titans x2, Bengals, Ravens). I like them odds- it’s Clowney’s Defensive ROY to lose.

Hate - Andre Johnson's Infinite Sadness
In all fairness, you'd have a broken spirit too if you were tasked with making David Carr/Matt Schaub look serviceable for over a decade.  But can somebody please get Andre Johnson some Prozac before he tries to do it again with Ryan Fitzpatrick this season?  In case you missed it, Johnson decided to skip out on offseason team activities after the Texans neglected to draft a new QB until Tom "Who?" Savage in the fourth round.  In some respect, you can't really blame the guy - he's an All Pro receiver who's only been to the playoffs twice and suffered through many a losing season.  BUT Johnson's locked into his current contract with Houston until 2017, so he should probably rethink his team spirit strategy or run for the hills while he's got some good years left.

Tennessee Titans


Love - Um, Baby Steps?
In full transparency, there's not a lot of love lost between Memphians like me and the Tennessee Titans.  But beyond intra-state resentment, what can you say about this team that makes them remotely promising in the post-Jeff Fisher era?  If I'm scouring for the thinnest of silver linings, it was good of the Titans to part ways--finally--with the deadweight that was Chris Johnson, and they picked up a few playmakers on defense by way of Shaun Phillips and Bernard Pollard.  Further, if a testament only to how terrible the AFC South is, the Titans have the second easiest strength of schedule going into 2014.  That means no excuses for how this revamped roster and management team fare this season.

Hate - Whisen-What?
The Titans had plenty of issues going into this offseason, most prominently with the ouster of Mike Munchak and pretty much the entire coaching staff.  Jake Locker is not the answer at quarterback, there are no guaranteed playmakers in the backfield, and now the fate of this shaky offense is in the hands of new coach Ken Whisenhunt.  Sure, Whisenhunt took the Cardinals to the Super Bowl five years ago and had a solid year as the Chargers' OC, but if you want to characterize this as guaranteed success in Tennessee, you'd be forgetting the three miserable seasons Whisenhunt had in between without Kurt Warner or Philip Rivers at the QB helm.   As chronicled excellently by Bill Barnwell here, the guy has a penchant for playing Russian Roulette with his passers when there isn't an obvious starter, which should be a great idea when the Titans have Locker, Charlie Whitehurst and newbies Zach Mettenberger/Tyler Wilson to choose from.  Instability and ineptitude are all but guaranteed.

June 25, 2014

A Reason to Love and Hate Every NFL Team This Season: AFC North Edition

After a long hiatus from all things speculative football BS, it's time to hit the grindstone as we gear up for 19 beautiful weeks of gridiron.  Rorschach test?  Not quite.  But let us continue with Reasons to Love and Hate Every NFL Team This Season: AFC North Edition:

Cincinnati Bengals


Love - A New Defensive Superpower
The Seahawks and Panthers may have [deservedly] gotten all of the glory in 2013, but the Bengals' defense had a heckuva year too, finishing in the top 5 of all major yardage and points categories.  They were relentless in their pass rush even after rising star Geno Atkins went down, sort of making Vontaze Burfict a household name.  Hell, even Terence Newman didn't look totally helpless in radioactive orange stripes.  Whether or not Cincy can keep it up now that former DC Mike Zimmer is steering the Vikings' [highly subsidized] ship remains to be seen, but they certainly can't blame any slides on personnel with most of their defensive rockstars in tact for 2014.

Hate - The Red Rollercoaster
Rollercoasters can be thrilling, and they can also make you reach for the barf bag.  Bengals fans know this well after Andy "The Red Rifle" Dalton has taken them through extreme highs and lows for the past three years.  One minute he's dropping 300 yards and 5 TDs on a solid defense like the Jets, the next, he's coughing up the ball three times in a heavily favored playoff game at home.  This is a contract year for Dalton, so he could go the way of Colin Kaepernicks or Josh Freeman.  On the whole his body of work is better than average, but after three consecutive wild card flameouts, that superb defense we talked about might chase Dalton out of Cincinnati with pitchforks if he can't get them to one lousy divisional playoff round.

Cleveland Browns


Love - Johnny Manziel, Savior of Cleveland
Just about every year, a player emerges from the draft who is so polarizing that you can’t help but love and hate him simultaneously. Enter Johnny Manziel--maybe you’ve heard of him?--the young and bro-tastic Heisman winner from Texas A&M with some serious upside in his wild, improvisational style of quarterback play. He’s sort of like Tim Tebow with actual talent and an average BAC of 0.10, and I have every bit of confidence that Sir Football will give us some electrifying highlights to remember this season. After decades of QB woes, Browns fans have to be excited that karma may finally swing Cleveland’s way with a wild card like Manziel.

Hate - Johnny Manziel, Destroyer of Cleveland
Superstition may not be your thing, but it’s a little unsettling that Johnny Manziel was picked 22nd in the draft in a trade just like his Cleveland predecessors Brandon Weeden, Colt McCoy and Brady Quinn. Needless to say things didn’t work out so well for those guys. Regardless of Cleveland’s cosmic order of failure, Manziel isn’t exactly walking into Shangri-La with this roster. WR Josh Gordon is facing the possibility of a year-long suspension and the Browns haven’t found a legitimate replacement for RB Trent Richardson, inefficient as he was. That means carrying quite a bit of offensive weight on one rookie’s shoulders who’s used to playing backyard hero ball and who may not survive a year against the likes of Terrell Suggs, Geno Atkins and Lawrence Timmons if he cannot effectively spread the ball around.  But there's also Brian Hoyer, I guess.

Baltimore Ravens


Love - Steve Smith's Revenge
I’m not always a football prophet, but when I am, I’m predicting a post-Super Bowl victory decline for the rebuilding Ravens. With a fairly low-key offseason anchored by the curse of Joe Flacco's contract, this may be another dreaded restart year for Baltimore.  But who doesn't like the idea of Steve Smith exacting some revenge on the Panthers who've forsaken him in Week 4?  Smith's time as a pro is surely limited, but he fills a definite need for Flacco whose production plummeted after deep threat Anquan Boldin went to San Francisco last season. Silver bullet he is not, but Steve Smith gives the Ravens some spark in the huddle they've missed since that mass exodus in 2013.

Hate - The Ray Rice Problem
There's no real way to talk about this elegantly, so I'll just put it out there - how in the world can you cheer for Ray Rice these days as a Ravens fan or otherwise? There's a special place in hell for someone who beats his partner unconscious and then somehow allows for a situation where said wife is offering a public apology at a press conference.  From my blogger pulpit, I can't pretend to know the circumstances that led to the assault, but it's an assault, plain and simple, that Ray Rice ultimately is responsible for.  And he should stop relying on PR advice from Dick Cheney's hunting buddy.

Pittsburgh Steelers


Love - Greener Pastures in the Run Game
The Steelers' bad luck at the line of scrimmage in recent years is well-documented here and elsewhere.  And though they've proven they can win plenty of games without a wildly prolific offense, they haven't had a star running back in nearly a decade.  All that could change in a big way this year with the one-two punch of the emerging Le'Veon Bell and bruising style of veteran LaGarrette Blount.  Anchored by a healthy David Decastro and Markice Pouncey, Pittsburgh could be near-indestructable on the ground in 2014 and reclaim a division with a lot more question marks elsewhere.

Hate - The Age Gap
As continues to be the narrative for the Steelers since their last Super Bowl appearance, they're still rounding the corner on rebuilding the roster.  On the one hand, Pittsburgh's core of franchise vets is still more solid than most when you consider the fact that Troy Polamalu, Ben Roethlisberger and Heath Miller are all returning with six rings between them and over a decade of experience.  (Insert your own Yinzer "Count thaaaaa riiiiinngs" eye roll here)  On the other hand, the Steelers are tasked with knitting together a lot of young and newly assembled personnel groups that could have growing pains ahead, most notably wide receivers and the secondary.  Considering the likelihood of miscommunication and blown assignments in the early going, it could take just one Big Ben-Todd Haley sideline blowup for everyone else to shuffle off from the huddle, heads hung low like Charlie Brown, praying to Kanye that mom and dad will stop fighting just this once.  And while totally unrelated, can we just stop with the bumblebee/business casual unis?  I can't even:

June 23, 2014

A Reason to Love and Hate Every NFL Team This Season: AFC East Edition

Is it football yet?  No?  The way I see it, dear and neglected readers, we have two choices in the desert of the NFL offseason: 1) Go back into hibernation for the next 11 weeks; or 2) Watch the World Cup  2) Read a bunch of speculative BS about why your team is going to win 10 - 11 games this year while all of your most hated rivals go down in flames.  Rorschach test?  Not quite.  But here at long last are Reasons to Love and Hate Every NFL Team This Season, AFC East Edition:

Buffalo Bills


Love - A Little Unpredictability
Alright, alright. Like you, I don’t really fire my synapses too often over the Buffalo Bills. Their only significant NFL record (other than four woeful consecutive Super Bowl losses) is keeping the league’s longest current playoff drought alive. But they have glimmers of playmakers here and there and a coach who hasn’t proved he sucks, at least not yet anyway. If E.J. Manuel can stay healthy, he should be thrilled to have the newly drafted and explosive Sammy Watkins lining up to make him look good with Fred Jackson and C.J. Spiller returning to round out the offensive skill set.  These signs with a little luck point to some much-needed big play potential.  On defense, there's dreamy Kiko Alonso to atone for the sins of Mario Williams & company and terrorize the middle of the field.

Hate - Defensive Erosion
If there’s one part of the Bills’ profile that has been decently solid in recent years, it’s been their defense, especially in the passing game. That’s a shame because Pro Bowl playmaker Jairus Byrd is headed to muggier pastures in New Orleans while DC Mike Pettine tries to reverse the curse in Cleveland. Those high-profile moves are a testament to the Bills’ silver lining over the years, but they don’t bode well for the rest of Buffalo, which can use all the silver linings it can get for another rebuilding season.

Miami Dolphins


Love - Tannehill to Wallace
Pittsburgh export Mike Wallace was in witness protection for the first part of the 2013 season to the chagrin of fantasy teams everywhere, but Ryan Tannehill eventually found his way to this vertical threat.  Wallace caught 4 TDs in the last six weeks of the season. With another offseason to keep the rhythm going and Jarvis Landry adding depth at WR, these two could have quite the breakout season and finally give that handful of Dolphins fans something to look forward to. 

Hate - A Bullied Offensive Line
See what I did there?  Sure, the first thing that comes to mind for the casual Dolphins observer these days is one messy bullying scandal between offensive lineman Jonathan Martin and Varsity Blues extra Richie Cognito.  It was not a good look.  But also, the Dolphins' line was terrible all on its own pre- and post-Cognito's roid rage exodus.  They ranked in the bottom quartile in rushing yards and allowed a league-high 58 sacks in 2013.  And they've got all the experience and depth of a Jonas Brother going into 2014.

New York Jets


Love - Rex "Rasputin" Ryan
Say what you will about a guy with a penchant for locker room drama and very, very poor tattoo decisions, but who has done more with less year after year than Rex Ryan?  Not only did he endure Mark Sanchez with a side of Tebowmania for five years--and make the AFC Championship twice, he somehow willed the Jets to 8 - 8 in 2013 despite Geno Smith posting a sub-15 QB rating eight times.  If you listen closely, you can hear Patriots fans' arteries exploding everywhere.  Anyway, if Rex can find a little glimmer of not-hopelessness in Chris Johnson this season and keep building on the foundation of another great defense, don't be surprised to see him evade the pink slip by just enough once again.

Hate - Lots of Trainwreck Potential Under Center
Did I mention Geno Smith posted no less than eight QB ratings of less than 15 during his rookie year?  I guess when you follow a guy like Mark Sanchez, even the most abusive New York Post writer will cut you a little slack.  The Jets have sort of tried by picking Michael Vick off of Philly's scrap heap, but in the, ahem, unlikely event that Vick gets injured midway through the season, they will be royally screwed by the three backups that have a collective 1 year of starter experience in the pros between them.

New England Patriots


Love - Return of the Gronk, Part III
The Gronk giveth, and the Gronk taketh away, usually in the form of his own connective tissue.  After having one of the best seasons in the history of tight ends in 2011, Rob Gronkowski has struggled with a string of bad injuries while still managing to make the highlight reel more often than most.  But every September or so (depending on the time table), we get to hope for a brighter Gronk-filled future of one-handed end zone grabs and fundamentally sound run blocking.  Maybe this will be the year.  Maybe.

Hate - The Spurs of the NFL
It's technically true that the Spurs have won a lot more championships in the last decade than the Patriots, but by Kanye if both aren't the most flawlessly boring team in their respective sports.  Every year (except that one where they went 11 - 5 with a backup quarterback), the Pats make the playoffs without a hint of suspense or wasted effort.  They have a perennial All Star who makes everyone around him look good, an ever-rejuvenating cast of role players and a mastermind coach who loves press conferences just about as much as, well, Gregg Popovich.  Outside of the occasional murder allegations, there's just nothing flashy about this New England dynasty, robotic in its relentless pursuit of one last Lombardi. So they'll probably have a perfectly wonderful season to shrug about.